she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
he said no girl had ever swallowed his cum before
he probably also told you he thought u were pretty
His foreplay reminded me too much of breastfeeding.
I hope the walls stop moving before my manager notices that i'm still drunk.
I did the mature thing and subtweeted that bitch. She follows me so she'll see.
I was drunk petting a fox and taking shots of Jager. That's about as outdoorsy as it gets.
N.C. cops just used a megaphone to tell me I have a slutty outfit. My life is complete.
And now we should drink to that moment where you realize you didn't exactly think things through.
He ate shrooms at 9:30, said, "see you later," and left. I am alone on New Years.
Can I also remind you that we insisted on touching his mustache?
Well of course I remember it took up like 20 minutes of my night.
I was sat at the table waiting with a glass of wine reading my book and the hotel staff gave me a goldfish in a bowl and said 'heres your date for the night' !
She said I had a really great aura. Which I think is hippie code for "I bet you can give me a mind melting orgasm"
just woke up and currently drinking copious amounts of eggnog straight from the carton to replenish the electrolytes lost last night
I got custody of our girlfriend in the breakup.
He told me I was a good dog mom. I've never been so turned on in my life
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