I had a dream last night that Anthony Bourdain gave me a vibrator.
dude! the alphabet song and twinkle twinkle little star are like the same tune
what drug did you take to come to that conclusion??
About tomorrow. if it dosent fit dont force it. Just pushit as far as you can and i'll wiggle the rest of the way
to cover up your slurred speech you tried talking like the creepy old man from family guy
Tonight's Real World episode reinforced the well-known fact that men of any caliber can hook up with girls named "Crystal"
let's get her a shirt that says "i went to key west for spring break and all i got was this illegitimate child."
If I could have all the money back from the pregnancy test i've bought- I could buy myself a vacation.
Or a large amount of condoms?!?
There was a dismembered bleeding penis in my dream last night. That's some serious Freudian shit.
I refuse to have sex with you and your eBay condoms.
laying on floor next to bathroom with vent on to give myself comfort and remind me that im not going deaf. what did i smoke?
Who the fuck superglued glowsticks to my arm.
Bored at work. googling vodka waffles.
Shit is getting real. I just adjusted my search radius for my dating profile to ANY FUCKING WHERE
I think i should either cut my hair or buy a dildo.
Something in me snapped and now I’m just googling famous vegans.
Randomize
