He started to lick my mole,thinking it was my nipple.
she was left over bi-product, like the hotdog of the human race
he's super hid and wouldn't leave us alone so i snatched his phone and started texting lovelink (thanks for a well-timed commercial) that will cost him money. muhahaha
I just puked in the walgreens aisle buying gatorade and advil for my hangover... i guess i failed
woke up this morning with a big mac and chips on a plate, coke in a glass and a knife and fork AND NAPKIN waiting for me in front of my computer. PORN WAS ALREADY PLAYING. I LOVE DRUNK ME
I would call you but I don't feel like these hands belong to me.
I'm giving great sideboob & it's being wasted on my parents.
The extent of "getting it in" was this creepy guy sticking his finger in my bellybutton
Defrosting my uncrustable with my laptop...Hungover dinner
I didn't want to hook up with him so I just jumped out of bed, yelled "I don't even believe in god!" and ran out of the room
The problem I'm having with looking for jobs while drunk is reading is really hard
I wanna snuggle with you as we feed each other chipotle burrito bowls and that's just where I'm at right now
apparently when we were gone the parents play strip connect 4
She tied me to her bed using her honor chords. Thank god for graduation!
If you survived your 72 hour masturbation marathon put on some pants and come over. My mom dropped off a lasagna.
Randomize
