When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
let's skip the party, and just play drunken wii, again. its time to give my vag a break.
I think I'm finally maturing. I'm happy he found someone. Good for him. I sincerely hope she doesn't choke on his tiny penis.
we are sitting in a kindergarden classroom alone chugging beer. look at our lives. look at our choices.
whoever put homecoming and halloween on the same weekend owes me a new liver and a get out of jail free card.
I vaguely remember telling a bum she was worth more than this
I miss you more than I would miss junk food if I went on a diet. And you've seen me eat, you know how desperate I'd be.
If he tries to stick his thumb up my butt again im going to rip his dick off with my vagina
I told you those kegels would come in handy one day
I know he'd never cheat on me. It'd be like choosing Mexican tap water over Patron.
We got naked and peed in the garden. Something about bonding with our new house
apparently when she asked me how drunk I was on a scale of 1-10, I answered "bitch I'm fabulous" and tried to do a sassy hairflip. but I have short hair.
Fine I'll cuddle you but only for the purpose of trying to survive
That awkward moment when you hear your boss yelling during sex while you're on her couch eating Easy Mac.
Wow dude wow that's sad man so sad. I dno't event wanna massturbate anymore due to teh sadness
when your dumb AF ex “accidentally” venmos you $50 and texts you asking for it back..... —sorry I accidentally deleted your number and cashed out
Randomize
