He cant even get with danielle. Thats like striking out in t-ball
Some kid just walked into class with his schedlue written on a keystone box.
New Years Resolution for 2011 : QUALITY cock. Not quantity.
Apparently unused tampons can also double as things to bite down on during public sex to prevent screaming...
I either just got free sex or a nice jail sentence. Text me in 10 to verify.
Dude, jerking off when you're all hopped up on pre workout energy supplements has got to be the greatest thing I've ever done.
she came back from her house with A paper cut , a 2liter of sprite with Bacardi , and half a mustache . we're inviting her more ofte
I got a message from the hook up gods today that it's time to move on. It came in the form of me being shoved in a closet naked and stuck in there for 30 min well he watched boy meets world with his brother.
if i bang your brother are we still cool?
I think we r still a few steps from ex sex. In fact, that's never going to happen. I'm just saying on the seething-chemical-fire-of-emotional-distress-to-post -relationship-intercourse scale, I'm closer to fucking than throttling. Progress is fun.
I apologize for tapping your ass. It was a friendly tap. Like Casper. Ya know
I was sat at the table waiting with a glass of wine reading my book and the hotel staff gave me a goldfish in a bowl and said 'heres your date for the night' !
I'm naked in a forest ranger station right now
I just puked on a sprinkler…Motherfucker tried to spray me
I woke up and he already had a joint rolled waiting next to the bed. Love.
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