wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
His texts read Like a 15 year olds diary.
Their flight hasn't even left yet and the 'buy food to keep yourself alive' budget is gone on tequila.
There is a clear recurring theme of me having sex in restrooms that really needs to stops
1. They have gold fish races every wednesday. 2. They have a redbull vodka slushie. We need to visit this place.
1. My fish will beat your fish. 2. Were getting fucked up
Im 95% ready to shit behind 711
And then he told me he was too tired for me to suck his dick. Physically and mentally too tired for me to suck his dick. What the fuck?
Its bad when you wake up with a penis drawn on your face. Its worse when you find out its traced..
Just wanted you to know two things, 1st I sent the second thing to a broad ive been talking too. 2nd that was not just a fart.
Liz is crying about burritos again.
Wanna get really high and go on a Valentine's Day Sexathon cause we're both single or would that be weird?
then he grabbed my tit and yelled "FOR NARNIA!!" then dove into my vag. i think I will do him again strictly for the entertainment value
but real talk, he made 1 phone call last night and had someone bring us tacos at 3am so idk I might be inlove
Please don't bang more than two exes at a time, just so I won't get confused.
I felt like I should've driven him home but I was holding in a fart and just needed him to leave
Randomize
