Okay call me later ill be watching lifetime and scrubbing throw up off my feet
one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.
all i need in life is blowjobs and white cheddar cheezits
separated laundry into 'got laid' and 'didn't get laid' piles.
dude so we were eating nacho cheese popcorn and chasing it with cole slaw
by the way nacho cheese popcorn is me making popcorn and then adding milk butter and mac n cheese mix
I am currently eating pure cake frosting...I am not sure how I was ever referred to as a responsible adult.
I have no idea. Next thing I know we're all down on one knee saying the pledge of allegiance and then singing I'm Proud to be an American. Then Trevor ate pizza off the sidewalk.
Im shrooming at the foot of a tree on top of a mountain. Feeling fly as fuckin socrates and bon iver.
Do not deep throat a rocket pop, it WILL go into your lungs, and you may die.
I think, at this point, getting pissed and declaring my love via reality TV would be an improvement
The number of males in the usa getting circumsized are decreasing. Keep this in mind when we become cougars
When you mimic motorboating Jennifer Love Hewitt, is it really that hard to understand why no one thinks you're straight?
You kept running up to married couples, taking their pictures and begging for them not to get divorced
Watching Faye Reagan porn all weekend for St Patty's day. Nothing has ever seemed more appropriate.
Sexual side note: sushi and cum do not mix well. That is all.
Randomize
