Let's hear it for middle of the street handjobs ladies and gentlemen
i need a shirt that says "I fuck trainwrecks"
may have given a homeless man 70 dollars in exchange for his sandals. so yea, i'm going as jesus for next halloween.
There is a pube in my fucking eyeball
i think the penis that was inside of me changed my life
She's like my safety school. At the end of the night, if I haven't found anyone better to hook up with, I can always call her if I need a place to drop a load and don't want to rub one out myself. Perfect next door neighbor.
He wrote me poetry. 12 hours after getting my number
Watching him is like watching a star slowly implode
I fail to see the problem of enjoying a glass of wine while I poop...
the point I'm tryimg to make is that you didn't need to take the whole box in with you
LinkedIn just suggested I might know the guy I caught my wife fucking.
I never truly understood the phrase ball is life until I started having to balance NBA finals and all these men with balls i'd like to handle.
I was totally going to fuck him and then his friend walked in brushing his teeth, whipped down his pants and started doing the windmill. Ultimate cock block
Who in their right mind would frost a cake with their butt?
you going clubbing tonight?
well its tuesday isnt it
I woke up while she was taking a panoramic photo of my morning wood
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