I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
what do you have against ST
DO NOT ABBREVIATE LIKE YOU AND STAR TREK ARE FRIENDS.
I found your dream girl. She looked 11 but drove and on her key chain it said "if i am not wasted the day is"
Just got super judged by a walmart cashier for buying diet pills and candy in the same transaction. Like she has her life figured out.
They invited me day drinking but brought their kids. 3 two year olds and 1 11 month old. I was asked to change a diaper, I laughed and took another drink of this margarita. I LIKE CHANEL AND TEQUILA NOT CHILDREN. Can we make new friends?
Dropping the entire last roll of TP into the toilet is a hurt you don't want to know.
Cooked breakfast with his mom this morning...I'm like the housewife of one night stands
The shit I just took was four, very distinct colors. Jager night was a success
He is full of southern hospitality and I want to be full of him.
This is my life. Enjoy the view
If there's anything my liberal arts education has taught me, it's belligerence.
He just blew a .079. Jesus loves him THAT much.
ready for a night of bad decisions, horrible moral standards, and an unhealthy amount of illegal substances.
He literally asked permission to hit on me
Randomize
