one day john is going to snap and they are going to make a new show called "john and chainsaw minus 9"
I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
we were holding hands throwing up into the same garbage can; if thats not true love i dont know what is .
I woke up hungover and opened my laptop to find that i had googled alcoholism again
I HAVE FLAVORED BLOW. THIS SHOULD NOT EXISIT.
I woke up next to her boyfriend and she woke up next to mine....
This is like a fucked up game of musical chairs.
You're asking your pregnant booty call to go to a funeral with you?
I've learned life lessons in Vegas. Mostly, drugs are cheaper than alcohol.
Apparently I missed the "You may have to jack off a horse" part of the application.
We've been staking out a taco bell for 2 hours trying to find last night's one night stand
Well he wouldn't kiss me so I made out with a German girl, took a shot with my boss, and I think I sprained my ankle. It was a quiet Sunday for me.
We went camping and met these lesbians and now I have S'mores where there shouldn't be S'mores.
Please tell me im imagining that i claimed that i was king of the ducks.
well it was naive of you to actually think you're the only bday sex he had lined up for him today. I'm just suprised he actually had a line forming outside of his room
Dude just saw some some guy puke out of a car window on the highway going to school.
Randomize
