I want to snug with you.
You want my snuggie?
Do you have a straightener and are extra lubricated condoms not the norm?
I'm dying. Please wear something slutty to my funeral.
she keeps a pillow, blanket, and a pack of saltines under the bathroom sink, for "rough nights".
mom and dad sent me an easter basket full of beer pong supplies again.
Downstairs neighbor just asked me to tell people when they jump off the balcony next time not to land on her flowers
Um he just came into the kitchen naked to get her purse or something?
How did you even find out?
Because you came up to me and said "I just fucked in the bathroom."
Oh.
You played a drinking game to fat people crying. It's a long climb to the moral high ground, why bother?
He got weirdly turned on by the video of my cat licking nacho cheese off my finger.
This amicable friendliness is dull. We either need to start fighting or fucking around. I'll even let you pick.
I have no idea how but i got a hold of a blue food dye packet. And proceeded to rub it all over my tits. So yeah i'd say its safe to say i'll be known as smurfette for a while
I'm about to have a bowl of Advils... without any fucking milk.
Philosophical question for you: is it better to go into work slightly drunk or slightly coked out?
You walked into the frat house and screamed "whose down to fuck" i think they were more intimidated than anything
Randomize
