What do you call a girl with PMS and GPS?
A crazy bitch that WILL find your ass!
I feel like im in a tornado of daylight savings, tequila and death
It's a good thing i didn't end up pregnant...i would have had to figure out his last name.
Xanax and allergy medicine look a lot alike when you spill them on the floor. Just saying that I still have allergies but I'm unsure if I still have legs
I just realized there's an entire generation of children that will never know Alex Trebek had a mustache... Sad.
We convinced him to snort an altoid. We should not be allowed to drink together
This is no lauging matter. Huge cock equals great sex. Marriage to huge cock equals great life.
New bet. First person to fuck their girlfriend and narrate the whole thing in Morgan freemans voice wins. You are disqualified if she asks you about. My girlfriend is on her rag. U have the headstart. Your move...
Hey that girl we tagged team last night invited me to her birthday on Facebook, remind me to be sick that day.
He leaned over in the middle of the movie and said "My dick's name is Juan". WHO DOES THAT?
OMGGG I JUST SAW A REAL OWL JUST CHILLING ON TOP OF A SIGN POST. I WALKED UP TO HIM AND SAID HOO HOOOOO AND HE TURNED HIS HEAD AT ME AND WAS LIKE YEAHHH BRO
I just want you to know that I'm, like, 45% hard right now.
my vagina hasn't met your boyfriend yet ... makes me sad
Been trying to fuck him since december. Finally got him into bed and he was uncircumcised. Why do bad things happen to good people?
I gave three different guys a boner at the same time last night, and none of them are in the same city as I am. That's achievement.
Randomize
