I wanna come home
And do what?
Kiss. Rip clothes off. Repeat.
She's a squirter....that makes up for lots of other annoying things
Hes warming up week old McDonalds french fries, putting hot sauce on them, and counting them with his shirt off.
im gonna make a bucket list just so i can cross off "underwater blowjob"
i just wasnt prepared to have the baby of one of two french firemen. threesomes are too confusing.
Her roommate "grounded" her because she drunkenly tried to fill their fish tank with vodka
he was too drunk to climb up my loft. i owe my beating teen pregnancy to four pieces of steel
Remember those girls from the bar? The tall and short blondes?
Is this a story I am going to hate you for?
I feel like when purchasing hard liquor on a Monday I also need to buy a happy 21st bday card to not seem so pathetic
Sorry for all the texts. I got wasted and woke up at the foot of a staircase. From what I can gather, I fell down it.
There are more dirty dishes in my bed then in the kitchen. Have I lost at life?
I sent him this really overly apologetic text asking him out. It was just sad. Not even 27 shots of whiskey can grow me a self-esteem.
Dude the little bong I just got fits nicely in the cup holder in my car. The gods approve of my habits.
I gotta give him props though, I've never been propositioned for sex via flash mob.
I totally fucked your pastor last night.
You're his wife.
Still a dirty get down.
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