so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
Have you ever been so weak from sleep you couldn't push your poo out?
look to my right... shes dancing like she's playing dance dance revolution and her character is a retarded, drunken moose
This is much more drunk than i was intending for a wednesday
Doctor took one look at my penis and said, 'you don't have herpes, you just masturbate too much'
How dare she call you insensitive. Should have told her about the time you let that girl in the wheelchair wearing the sombrero blow you.
Glad we went casual last night, made my 1pm walk of shame through Walmart a little less obvious
She just tried to snort granola up her nose but its ok she's not bleeding.
I am making a budget for 2012. Should condoms be in the insurance or entertainment category?
I also witnessed that same parrot perched on the head of a man grinding with a girl.
Interesting. As a girl I don't know how okay I would be with that.
She seemed pretty into it.
I have been drunk every time I've gone to mexico. I do not remember mexico.
I was cock-blocked by a swat team last night.
Dude how about today while I was on lunch someone died in the break room at work....I didn't even know we had a break room!!
There's just something classy about smoking a blunt in a prom dress.
Best night if my life? Time I got eaten out in the backseat of a M5 while eating White Castle. Then he fucked me. Perfect
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