He said we were driving the golf cart through the woods screaming 'iceroad truckers' for four hours in the dark
his dog just threw up on me too. its like im a throwup magnet to that family.
you read me verses from the beginners bible until my answering machine finally ran out of time and cut you off.
for future reference: playing drunken strip-twister is a euphemism for a threesome. just thought you should know.
Less talking, more tequila
i threw up in a box in my own lap driving today.
I was going to text him and apologize but I didn't want him to think that meant I approved of him being my niece's booty call.
This bowl of cereal would be the size of a giant's bowl-piece. It's. that. big.
How much did you smoke??
I accidentally KO'd a baby in the airport. Thought you should know.
I'm already too high to be publicly presentable. I just looked at myself in the mirror without my sunglasses. Debated contacts. Said aloud "But I'm nothing without my sunglasses."
I danced with this guy last night, I left like I was humped by a blind baby kangaroo trying to body-box.
BRING THE BAGELS
He stopped in the middle of us banging in order to check in for his Southwest flight.
I was struggling morally, but once I let go, I came pretty hard.
There's nothing like a guy talking about your vagina as if it's delicious food to make your day better.
Randomize
