dude, i just saw a bobcat while i was rollerblading this morning
1 dont ever text someone @ 8am on sat. 2 dont ever admit to rollerblading past 1992.
I left a bag of circus animal cookies in my car all day. they melted together into on giant cookie. this could either be the best or worst thing ever
...just for future reference, one Four Loko can fits PERFECTLY in a venti iced coffee cup from Starbucks
She sent me a text saying she picked out 17 different Halloween costumes for our kids when they hit the age of 4... The cling factor should have me running right now but honestly I'm just curious
Kate gave me a 3 day old cup of tequila last night and forced me to chug it. P.s. i drew u a picture
there's a picture of you and pauly shore at a starbucks on my phone
And then you'll find yourself a hot chick and leave me behind with nothing but my back fat to keep me company.
I got laughed at by a homeless guy in a Daniel Boone hat. I have no clue what this means for my day
WTF DUDE?
Stay calm. I'm sure there's a heterosexual explanation for this
Not only does DQ have s'mores shakes, sonic has a hot dog in a pretzel bun, and Wendy's has a burger in a pretzel bun. Important things are happening.
His dad gives me dirty looks whenever I come over though. I think it's because I eat his food and have sex with his son.
if youre gonna throw up it might as well taste like christmas :S
Okay, the good news, found Jared, all IDs accounted for, Jack is meeting us at yours with your requested the delivery. The bad news: Lost Alice, banned from Stages, possibly fucked my TA in the bathroom.
Sexting gets boring after a while. I'm eating a sandwich right now and googling 'sexting ideas' and just copy/pasting lines.
It's a good sandwich though.
I love you, but seriously, that was way too long a thesis on an Arby’s curly fry being wrapped around schlong!
Randomize
