I have now ridden the bus with a ninja, a samurai and Jesus. Who says the bus is for losers.
hey, haven't seen your testicles in a while...you 3 still alive?
She had a baby and now works at Hooters. She is the poster child for peaking in high school.
Hey I think I found part of your tooth next to your wine bottle in the floor board of my car.
he handed me my panties in front of my date. turns out he wasn't that mad.
You just want to fuck a girl in a dinosaur costume, don't you?
You asked the waitress what the corking fee would be on the Joose you smuggled into the restaurant.
her wearing orange crocs at the bar was definitely a great form of contraception
So you get idea of what my night was like, I woke up this morning and the back of my head was orange
Oh, also as a concerning side note, my bra had drops of blood on it. So I don't know what the deal was, but someone I was around was definitely bleeding a decent amount.
He looked me deeply in the eyes and said "I don't want this to be the last time I see you.. Can I follow you on Instagram"
Just to clarify, i'm coming over for tacos not a threesome
It's days like today that make me happy I'm not a porn star.
I think the moment she woke up butt naked on a mattress with her phone still on her face was the point she knew last night was fucked up
Let me know if you need some dick this weekend.
Between the BF being in town, partying at the Side Dick’s house tonight and two Tinder dates tomorrow I’ve got dick to spare!!
Randomize
