I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
Aren't I supposed to sit on your face?
so after six weeks of dating she admitted shes bi and asked if it would freak me out if we brought another girl into the bedroom. i said no in this hesitant voice and she said 'if you let me dont worry ill make it up to you'
i literally fucking hate you so fucking much.
All I remember is yelling RUN as fireworks started going off in the kitchen. Who said that was a bad idea?
We can't all go after the girl with the low self-esteem
I got kicked out of a mexican restaurant last night for being too drunk. This is getting dangerously close to rock bottom
I totally just friend requested the girl I met in jail last night so that I could give her back the sunglasses she lent me upon our release. See, I'm not a total delinquent.
Let's discuss options later this evening. I'll draw out said options and compare and contrast the "accessibility" of the costume for quickies. Because you never know. Halloween is full of surprises. I'll also compare practicality, level of skank, and creative features.
It's hard to take you serious when you're crying your eyes out wearing an adult sized onesie.
I'm just gonna go with where the wind takes me. if it takes me to his dick, so be it.
I'm straight up riding in the back of my truck in a bean bag chair right now. Feet propped up and four loko in hand. Glorious.
I was blacked out when we met, so basically this will be a blind date.
I just sucked dick on a ferry
Also, apparently I'm only coherent when I'm drunk sexting. And then I'm grammatically perfect and impressively eloquent.
You threw up everything but your ovaries.
Randomize
