I've come to the conclusion that as a grad student I would much rather prefer to get laid then get drunk
I think you know full well that a few years ago my stance was the polar opposite
Just got caught pissing on a plant in her room while she was in the shower first word out of my mouth were my bad
it took me about 5 minutes before I knew it was in her ass. i thought the first time would be a bit more special
i just saw someone i know on True Life. i need new friends.
We stole a cat. That is all you need to know.
I woke up naked wrapped in my roommate's towel with one leg shaved and money thrown all over the room. Happy 21st birthday.
I woke up in a strange bathroom. Was I blonde when you left me last night?
I wish I saved his nudes so I could anonymously submit them to his tumblr
My inner pteradactyl is also confused.
I just want to go home and eat bagel bites in my underwear
I need to stop agreeing to hang out with people when I'm drunk.
Probably going to live on vodka sodas and fireball shots
She made me undress her with my teeth...explains the button in my shit this morning...
I'm too pretty to go to jail. Especially in Louisiana.
I haven't lost it. I know I'm not a prophet. It was a joke.
After the edible you claimed you were talking to my cat. We're in our 30s now, what was once cute is now a liability.
Randomize
