And then she said "sorry if my vagina smells like fish, it's just active."
People were autographing me. I'm like the spring break yearbook
she's on the floor slapping my dogs face with slices of pizza
Did I crawl through the hotel lobby all the way to our room?
i'm going through an 80s music phase. and by phase i mean i will only have sex to white snake
Let's just not urinate on things that don't need to be urinated on
you really need to remember next time not to write your name and phone number on the paper its wrapped in.
But what if it got lost?
its illegal. you dont want people to contact you if they find it.
Just gave my thesis presentation, pretty sure I made out with the admissions woman last night.
Went to put my shoe on and asked myself why I left a sock in it. I didn't. Needless to say I found our used condom.
He asked if I had any questions. Apparently, "how thick is the stick up your ass" was not a correct question.
I was not drunk. There was Star Wars, sex, and baby oil.
Apparently she hired a private investigator when he took out a restraining order on her. So the answer is no, I didn't hit it.
You know its an epic night when omar the garbage man gives you a ride home at 6 in the morning.
Just flash them and yell "JUDGE THESE BITCHES"
How do I tell my boss I have slutty fantasies about him, me and his conference room table?
Randomize
