lesson #67 learned in college: a three day old margarita, is still a margarita.
she asked if mt Rushmore was natural or man made
he yelled at me for calling the fat girl fat. if I can't call out fat girls to my brother who do i have?
she worked me into her spring break cardio plan. im mondays and wednesdays.
You skyped me last night to show me the girl passed out on your bed.
I am literally using a balloon as a pillow on a park bench.
I come back home for break and my room is full of weed either my parents really love me or they are having more fun then I am in college
It's not that he's ugly its just that being blind folded makes everything less awkward
His last Google search was "will sperm ruin the retina display on Apple products?"
You know what a wolf looks like when it kills a small animal? How it shakes it around in it's mouth? I did that to a bag of Taco Bell last night
Yes. I am out of condoms. I kept filling them with glow paint and playing with them when I was on mushrooms, which resulted in me having unprotected sex last weekend
Like he's moved to LinkedIn creeping on me since he's blocked everywhere else & I'm just so confused does he think I'm going to post daily updates of my life on FUCKING LINKEDIN
wait you fucked a guy who wears k-swiss? seriously?
I know, im living my 7th grade dream
ready for a night of bad decisions, horrible moral standards, and an unhealthy amount of illegal substances.
when your dumb AF ex “accidentally” venmos you $50 and texts you asking for it back..... —sorry I accidentally deleted your number and cashed out
Randomize
