so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
Just got done shaving my balls. You were right.
so i told her that taking semen on the face helps make your skin smoother.
and?
luckily she was drunk enough to believe she had really bad acne...
Well that wasnt the exboyfriend i expected to hook up with today
it's my sixth sense. If there's an orgy within 20 miles of me i'll know about if. Or be a part of it.
Well, I plan on starting the night dressed as little red riding hood. Then I plan on finishing the night dressed as a shit show in a red cape.
I apparently started to text you last night. All it said was 'the whole clam'. I hope that means something to you.
While you were hooking up with her I pulled you off to make sure you knew what you were doing.
You said you were "testing the product for Chris."
I'm a bad man.
I GOT A VENDING MACHINE FOR OUR LIVING ROOM
I need a Jamo leash. Just tie it to my wrist and every time you see me reaching for a shot of it, just yank my hand away
my last clear memory of the night was being offered a shot but having so much alcohol in my hands that someone literally had to pour it in my mouth for me. after that it pretty much skips to waking up face down and shirtless on my floor.
All of my friends are hooking up and here I am, the lone asexual, looking for someone to eat these tostitos with me.
it'll be like a game of Russian Roulette, but with my vagina.
The bad thing is that I bled through my bandages last night and keep finding blood around the house. It's almost like a scavenger hunt for solber me. I get to find out where drunk me went.
I lost my wallet so I paid for my cab ride home with a sausage sandwich I found in my purse. Must have thought it was my wallet.
Randomize
