Im handcuffed to some kid i hardly know. there are no cops involved
Does my surprise involve the use of a safe word?
Probably.
I'm in.
fuck yea just found my unicorn costume from when i was 8... still fits
Went to my car this morning. Found a waffle from Waffle House in the front seat. No idea how it got there. So hung over I ate it.
Make good choices ;) This is your automated cockblock message
are we at that level where i can tell you your girlfriends tits looked really good yet?
There appears to be a lake on my nightstand. As usual, I should not be considered a suspect. Together, we will find out who did this.
You ever got drunk on $5? Cuz it's about to happen
His hands kept asking for sex, but all I could think was "dude, this is going to ruin my high".
I put on slutty clothes under my normal clothes, im like fucking super slutwoman
Best superhero ever to exist
Technically, I traded a soft pretzel for sex last night...
He wanted me to choke him with my feet. So now I feel obligated to start writing my memoir
That portion can talk about stepping out of your comfort zone and how it can potentially kill people
Tim is a child that you physically can't love because he makes it hard for you to even find anything redeeming about him so you debate leaving him forever at the gas station.
I don't wanna shit myself again in 2015
Steven and I talked about running for office again today. It's fucked that my 3 dream jobs are marijuana bakery owner, bar owner, and president.
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