two of my INSANE ex girlfriends just texted me saying their coming over because im home alone. needless to say, im deleting my twitter.
I'm returning our mountain of beer cans, while wearing a Budweiser sweatshirt. i don't look like an alcoholic.
Also I may have a condom stuck inside me, but I won`t know til I check the couch coushions.
Please don't drown this weekend. It would be a shame to lose a dick like yours.
I don't care what we do tonight, as long as it makes me forget that my boyfriend just told me he likes taking it up the ass from big guys dressed as construction workers
So if a 2 is a 10 on the road... do we consider college to be "on the road?" help. its urgent.
You sat on my knee, like Santa, while I peed.
Did i mention i'm like the equivilent of a prepubescent boy suffering from preejaculacy? I just about creamed my pants when he grabbed my hand..
Well it's a moot point because I did have a sink & I peed in it.
think I signed up for a 5k last night while blackout.
Remember that time a drunk Dracula took a shit in the urinal? Ooh, that's right, it was last night.
If someone told me one person in the department was secretly a death eater, I would suspect her, no contest.
Is it bad form to spend company money and place an ad in the paper because I wanna nail the sales girl?
I've seen too many dicks in the past week. I can't do it anymore.
I made a nest in his bed. I'm not leaving
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