I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
Tie
He ate me out. It was like watching him trying to win a pie eating contest
she looked me in the eyes and called me a poet because i was singing lady gaga, then she fell over...
So, does it mean i'm loose if he can't even tell when he fell out?
She had a little wicker basket of condoms by her bed. Disturbing yet convenient.
you were saying "i am the vodka queen!" and then in a different voice replying to yourself "all hail the vodka queen! you are so beautiful!"
Rachel and his cat watched us 69 last night. I pretended to be embarrassed the next day... But to be honest I like an audience
my roommate is sobbing and looking at photos of elephants. i'm so confused.
I think animal control just caught me smoking a bowl on the back porch. Do they have any say in this matter?? Haha
I still can't believe he came down from his hiding place in the tree voluntarily because he didn't want us to have to talk to the cops alone...
I need a kidney, not a pussy. All the pussy in the world isn't going to save my life. Keep your pussy in your pants and give me a kidney.
Please tell me you're not home alone watching Glitter.
Can you see in?
I'm tired of looking like my mother fucked Chewbacca.
It must be love. I'm deleting my porn for him.
I just realized, you're dating a guy named Jameson. That is another level of whiskey dick.
Randomize
