Ok I love you more. To infumty and beyong.
just next time i won't let coke make me think I'm superman and drink a shit ton.
Saying you want a bj does not count as saying you wanna see me btw.
He thought the strainer was a giant bowl to puke in.
aaaaaand im pretty certain i told that boy i just met that "his balls better be out tomorrow"
This guy just tried to hit on me on facebook. His most recent listed education is middle school. This is my life.
Ita all starting to make sense i need vodka like i need air
Toilet is so comfy. Serious question/why does weed make every surface feel like bed?
Please come over, I'm slowly melting into a ball of sexual frustration. If I'm not dead by the end of the day be very surprised.
My favorite part was screaming to all my life by kc and jojo and just horribly failing
If you were more comfortable around gay men, then you too could get wasted at the gay dance club and go home with hot girls.
You came out of your room naked under your open robe with a mouth full of brownie on a stick and grabbed a fistful of fruit loops and shoved them into your already full mouth.
Is "You've never made me cum." an acceptable breakup line?
So, I feel bad. I just told my husband I had sex with someone else while on a business trip. Today is his birthday. I'm kind of a dick.
So do I get points for screwing my recently single ex boyfriend and then telling him to go fight for his ex back?
Randomize
