sorry i'm running a bit late. had to shave my brittney...was looking more like rapunzel. clearly i've been having a drought.
you puked in the cab and all over yourself and tried to convince the cabby it was there already when he got upset... then you puked again. not too convincing are you
Your sister got a Brazilian yesterday. It looks great
I am spending my work day planning my weekend drinking schedule
Elton John & Lady Gaga just did a duet on the Grammies. How appropriate. He likes cock & she happens to have one.
Just saw the new iPhone. I would totally let Steve Jobs and Jon Ive eiffel tower me right now.
You kept screaming "Its taco night!" before every shot
I want her autograph on my taint
Sorry girl, my dick is like a rollercoaster. You only get a picture after you ride
I kept petting the scarves and telling customers to "feel that shit"
Stop drinking at work.
Realistically you can't tell me you're gonna put mashed potatoes on your dick and expect me not to get excited
Wanna get mid day margaritas tomorrow if I'm still alive
So my plane's delayed and some guy is talking to "sparkles" he just told her to never again sell drinks from her cleavage. This is why I don't go home
Did we kick in my basement door last night?
Yes. I think you actually bought tennis shoes specifically for that application.
Are you alone?
No, but I have to leave him in my bed while I go on this date.
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