What time are you coming? Can you stop and get mouse traps and trojans?
You have mice?
no why?
She is totally STD
Is it a bad omen that my phone auto corrects dtf to STD
In a bar in glasgow talking to a 12 year old about life. Welcome to Kentucky.
I thought all girls wanted is to get a boner
you want to re-phrase that?
That drug basically just makes anything that's in your mouth awesome
he'll be my respectable boyfriend for tksgiving and i'll be his non-slutty girlfriend for christmas.
and then ....
he stays my gay friend and my parents think i'm not a slut.
JUST SAW MY DRUG DEALER SOBER AND GOING TO CLASS. This is weird, its almost like he's an actual student whio leaves his room...
He walked into my room in the middle of the night, whispered something about the patriot act, and took my tv.
"thanks for the sex" was written in lipstick on my bathroom mirror. i'm officially done with random hook ups.
He texted me saying that his mom found my nuva ring in their jacuzzi filter. I don't think I'm welcome back anytime soon.
Straight up asked lady in a lime green jumpsuit how to make your ass clap. That thing wiggled more beautifully than ocean waves at sunset
Son of a bitch took my liquid eyeliner
It's not your birthday unless mom picks you up at the bar
I thought I'd never say this, but if I had to choose between these cookies and sex, it would be these cookies
The neighbor just poured gasoline on his 2 brush fires and proceeded to shoot Roman candles at them 🤔
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