They threw me out of the bar because I was arguing business ethics with the owner of th bar
well i just set every background of each phone in the verizon store to my face
I just looked at all of our spring break pictures... there's a guy getting a blow job in the background of the ones on the beach.
Well if I am having twins, at least I'll finally have 2 kids by the same father.
about to tell this girl that sh'es my teenage dream. you have 15.358s to stop me.
my heaven will be filled with hot naked men covered in chick-fil-a sauce and me wearing a bib
So ive narrowed my options down to getting food or masturbating. Don't judge me
Teenager with grandparents staying in their room: is to blue balls, as parent waiting for teen to come home safe: is to sleep. You will live- love mom
But you can't tell me I give the best blow jobs and then not break up with your girlfriend who has fucking TMJ! Come on!
This weekend I forgot a cup, so I drank my wine out of a Pringles can. So classy. You would have been so proud.
I snapchatted his face mid sex. Needless to say, I don't think I'll ever see him again.
I'm so annoyed. We're about to buy groceries for the week and at this point I'm hoping to sustain myself on pure alcohol.
Don't blame me. My vagina leads me astray.
Worst case scenario- he paid me for sex with meatloaf. There are worse thing, right? I mean at least is was good meatloaf.
how do you tell someone, in the most complimentary way possible, that they would make an excellent stripper?
Randomize
