Im drinkin out of a coconut! I think im gonna dip my balls in it!
hey just checking if u still hate me for sleeping with your sister?
Why do my balls have what looks like rust on them?
So I woke up in a strange bed with a note taped to my arm giving me directions back to my brothers apartment.
Bitch looked at my dick and said "I thought they called you horsecock, I'm already disappointed"
I told you that line would get her home never said it was a good idea
Just come get me. Somewhere there's hobo that's going to want his dumpster back, and I kinda want to be gone when he discovers the vomit.
You had the nerve to crowd surf to your own bedroom.. I guess watching Aladdin high was probably the best idea ever
How do I go about messaging a girl on a dating site whose little sister I've had a three some with...?
Used my brand new sperrys as a trash can to throw up in and woke up with someone's random key in my hair...new year new me:)
No actually you're a pro. You puked on the cab ride, and managed to completely contain it in your purse. the cabbie was even impressed.
He tripped and fell all the way to the ground and then stood right back with out spilling a drop of his 3/4 full glass of rum and coke. It was like watching something from the matrix
Why are you drunk at the library?
Why not?
Alright, I've had enough of this good girl shit. Tonight you either blackout or backout.
got cock blocked by the cops again. two of the cops were the same ones from that t bell incident and they recognized me... they still dont like me
I got sriracha sauce on my mask while I was eating fast food, now wearing it makes me hungry
Randomize
