I'm sorry my penis didn't work
dude chill. it wont be anything like your seventh grade birthday party.
My dad just walked in on me screwing the chick from the bar...the look of relief on his face was sort of hurtful.
Found my little brother jerking off with a condom. he said he was "practicing"
OMG its one we used last night
It went from cuddling and watching blood diamond to watching the three of them snort an entire $80 bag of blow off the coffee table
Yeah I remember I tried to close her head in the freezer last night
Second wind. Either that or my heart is about to explode. I'm hoping the first one.
This lumberjack with a huge beard is doing his group presentation in a dirty t shirt that says "I'm only 2 girls short of a threesome"
BGSU move in weekend. Just passed a house w a beer pong table set up, ppl already playing, girls holding signs that say "son drop off". It's 10:30 am.
Why did you send me 12 pictures in a row of your expressionless face at 2:30 am?
Dear lord though. So much glitter. It's just a big gay explosion and all of my whore muscles hurt.
Thanks for that golden cinnamony goodness that flowed from your fake tits last night haha
I threw up vodka and borscht. I'm done with life...I threw this up in a McDonald's bathroom btw.
I can't believe just smoked out of a pear
I can't believe you had a pear already made to smoke out of, that was impressive
PROBABLY?!! And here I was, about to buy you a glow-in-the-dark banana-flavored cock ring... Now I "probably" won't.
Randomize
