I'm looking for sex. Do you know her?
i just woke up with two martini umbrellas taped to my nipples... idk how they got there
Fuck. I'm going to pass the savings right on to the strippers. It's trickle down economics.
I went down on her for 35 minutes and didn't even get a handy. I've never felt more desire to be gay in my life.
bro, your right, i shouldn't feel embarrassed about taking shots from a penis-shaped ice sculpture
I'm getting offered Candy Crush lives in return for sex. Like wtf.
After what I experienced at 6am this morning, all I can say is chew your noodles thoroughly.
Just got a Lifeproof case for Christmas so hold on and tell me how my shower nudes look
I woke up in the basement of a pizza restaurant... I would say the tequila hit me pretty hard.
No, it's like a legit blood drive. It's not just her out in some parking lot with needles and ziplock bags
I woke up with a bunch of jolly ranchers and an eight ball in my purse. Successful
I was eating pickles straight from a jar, contemplating doing something productive. What did I miss?
You bet your firm but soft ass I miss you
The kid with the ed hardy shirt put a bunch of random shit in the washer and turned it on. example: a hanger, the movie Chocolate with Johnny Depp, and your mom's cat
Highlight of the day: got a bunch of drunks to sing baby shark.
Randomize
