Update. It gets worse. A) he's done viagra and B) he wears socks at all times.
He was putting purell on my boobs saying "they need to be clean for later." He hadn't had a drink all night
Suck a a big bag of reindeer cock bud. Sent from church. See you in hell
I dont want to tell you. Lets just say that a lot of things are reminding me of your dick right now
My dad walked in on me masturbating in my own apartment.....my own apartment!!
My mouth already tastes like senor cuervo took a piss in it and it's barely 1 am
I thought she was being abused so tried to go in at the sympathy angle, but the bruises were from pole dancing. I went in at all angles.
It's hard to judge what a reasonable amount of cereal looks like in the spaghetti pot. We're out of cap'n crunch and milk.
Dude you of all people would miss her giving him a handjob in front of the whole party
The length of my leg hair is a constant reminder of how long it's been since I even thought I had a chance of getting laid.
I asked if anyone's pants felt wet on the bottom, like a half hour after mine did. I had just peed my pants i had gotten so high no biggie
I love you too! Remember NO alcohol or weed at my residence because of legal ramifications.
I probably won't go. Last time I got drunk with those guys I just started demanding people let me touch their beards.Then I mocked everyone who didn't have facial hair.
I got caught throwing up in my daughters princess potty... On the bright side it played a rewarding tune afterwards.
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
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