My underwear smells like fireworks.
hey got me stoned for the first time when i was 14. there is no bond stronger
What part of "you pissed in the tent" do you not understand?
I met the perfect girl for you, she's smart, likes cars, has at least one ear, and really blue eyes!
please elaborate on, "atleast one ear"
The baby slept soo good last night. Its like he knows the importance of me being intoxicated all weekend.
apparently i was cut off before i even walked in
I just opened my filing cabinet at work for the first time in months. It looks just like my pantry: nothing but peanut butter and whiskey.
Doing Jager Bombs on a Sunday morning is justified...How else is my team going to win?
does doing it on an automatic sink count as shower sex?
In last nights drunken stupor i apparently purchased a luxury travel package for two to Australia. So uh...get a passport and clear your schedule for next month
I have the overwhelming need to take care of him. Both with my vagina and like emotionally.
I just want a relatively mentally stable guy with tattoos and facial hair that loves Captain America as much as I do and will fuck me the way I deserve to be fucked, is that too much to ask for?
I fucked a French man last night. 5 Times. Ashed my cig in his cactus. That later set on fire while we were having sex.
I just bought a mini nerf gun so he could make a bowl out of it, I deserve the fuck buddy of the year award!
So. My mom went grocery shopping for me while I was at work & brought the food here. Cool bc my dildo was laying on the counter. Forgot I left it out. I am sure she saw. Im mortified.
Randomize
