What's proper 1 nite stand etiquette?
Say hi to his dad and make him some breakfast.
Do NOT cum in me, on me, or in my bed.
My therapist says she wants to work on my 'trust issues'. I think she's found the cash cow within.
Getting pregnant off pre-cum is like getting high off erasers
Three questions... How drunk were you? How long until we can make fun of you for this? Do you even really need a spleen?
I don't care if I just threw up. You kiss me now. This is marriage.
Me focusing on not shitting my pants is keeping me awake.
doing an easter egg hunt in a liquor store right now. i feel so adult
Sorry if this is weird, but please don't have sex in my truck. I get to be the first...
Got head last night. Had the 3D glasses on the whole time.
I'm sorry, you're actually right. Ostrich racing happens, and they're ridden like a horse. Bewildered and distraught.
WHY DID YOU DRUNK DIAL MY MOM?!
Because mine was sitting on the bar stool next to me...
You ruined the universe
The beauty of getting kicked out of college again is I can fuck my professor's brains out and she can't get fired now
You kept on yelling traitor and threatened to kill him and everyone he loves because he played beerpong with someone else
Randomize
