I need to shower the guilt off of my thighs.
Dude, we have the same penis size. Best friends for life.
my vag is so smooth its legendary
I'm officially my mother.. Smoking in the garage pretending to take the dog out in a big ugly jacket
A monkey stole my iPod. This was not in the fucking study abroad brochure
he broke into my appartment and left me a waffle maker...
She fell asleep with me.... We found her pantsless in the dogbed in the morning... Russian foreign exchange students
SHE WON'T ROUND UP MY GRADE! I have a 79.8% I ONLY MISSED TWO CLASSES!!! ONE WHEN I GOT DRUGGED AND ONE WHEN MY CAR GOT BROKEN INTO!! I'm interculturally competent. I used to date a Italian/Cherokee Indian. I fucked a Palestinian. How much more pro-peace can you get?
I called him and he said hell call me back hes in the middle of his kareokee song he was out by himself and his dog
I mean I love some drunk compliments, but he just wasn't up to my low standards.
I just masterbated to the home shopping channel...what have I become...
I woke up and my pants were in the kitchen but my shoes were next to my bed. Do the math...
All I want is some guy to eat me out while I work on grad school things then go on his way
She said "Im going to hug you" tried to give me a hickey then said her life sucks and started to cry.
My dad just invited me to smoke a blunt with him. Parent-child bonding at its finest (and highest).
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