I am I'm going to have heart failure he's peed on my life.
She's NOT homeless...she graduated early.
You know you're deprived when the only thing you taste while chewing gum is the 2 grams of sugar alcohol.
So there I was.....spitting on my goldfish just to keep it alive.
and i was just like oh shit i'm getting felt up by a 15 year old
cliffnotes. writing studyguide on last pack of smokes. glad this semester is over.
I got lit on fire and andy went to jail last night. Totally unrelated incidents though.
Remember middle school health class where we used to say that when we lost our vcards we would be on the pill, using a condom, and have had our partners tested first? We were so optimistic.
I hereby state that I am over the age of 18. If I am not of age to purchase or consume alcohol products, I hereby acknowledge that I have not received any alcohol products from said party host. Also, in the event of injury or death, said party host is not to be held accountable. Please reply with your full name and today's date for your e-signature". *note: no text, no entry.*
Sorry bro, just a precaution. You know, ever since the "Jake incident". What a douche.
I have so much shit FLYING through my head. They're all in magic carpets and everything
I am too young to be this hungover
Is this your way of saying you want a sober 19th?
Do you know why I have a burn shaped like a tiny spork?
Model at car show < day drinking with your favorite sister. Get your head in the fucking game Christopher.
Did you finish that presentation yet?
No but don’t worry about it. I do my best work in the middle of the night. I’m like a hamster.
Really should've known 2020 was gonna suck when the guy dressed as baby new year got arrested at our party 5 past midnight...
Randomize
