Sex on bubble wrap = best decision ever.
just by requesting 'I think we're alone now', not only did you achieve emptying the bar, but you also rubbed it in the owners face.
I pulled out and her Nuva ring was around my dick... It was like I won a carnival game for adults... I asked her where my big stuffed bear was
I wasn't expecting a boner of this magnitude
I wish I could attach your penis to someone I like more than you.
My shirt is ruined. If I ever get the idea of doing a tequila shot through my nose ever again, shoot me.
Pretty sure I was high. I thought there was music coming out of my makeup bag.
The school security guard knows my name.... I think I'm missing some memories...
Also I played a weird game of chicken in the ladies room at work between myself the person pooping 2 stalls over and a very determined maintenance man.
Ordained minister or not I hereby renounce all moral responsibility for any and all related occurrences
We walked in and someone handed her an unopened bottle of jack with her name on it. She's like a drunken celebrity.
It was 16 hours of liver killing mistake making goodness
Wow. Memory lane. What a horrendously unsightly jizz stain on the tapestry of life.
When my beach tent arrives , I strongly suggest quitting our jobs and becoming homeless beach drunks
Remember when you brought a guy home from the bar... to our parents house.... on thanksgiving eve?
Randomize
