Getting fucked up met up rando with a girl I confesswed my love for last night. weird, going with it
I just chugged a whole pitcher of beer in 1 min. 9 sec. A whole goddamn pitcher.
I can't believe he would be such an ass
Your boobs are way too big for you to be worrying about anything.
Eating doritas dunked in queso con salas. Salllas. Salska. Salsa. Got it. Shhiitt. Salsa con queso. That's better. I'm hot pink socks.
The theme is smores and alcohol. Dress appropriately.
in hindsight, the duct tape banana hammock was a bad idea.
Road construction signs are deceptively heavy
I can honestly say I've never had orange soda poured on my vagina before, that's a story for the grand kids
Are you alive?
I googled "I don't want to vomit anymore," and "how to rip out your uvula," at 9 am this morning, but I'm still here. Uvula and all.
You said my dick was impressive. You thank someone when they say that. My momma raised a gentleman.
I cnant read. Cheetos goen. Help. Grt Cheetos.
I didn't wake up drunk this year...I must be getting soft
Yeah I guess quad-fisting Miller Lites just isn't as effective as it used to be
he rolled over in the morning and told me happy valentines day. i don't even know his first name.
Would you be opposed to me keeping a live lobster in the shower for a bit?
Don’t be alarmed my pee bowl is in your shower
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