we used that portable toilet as a cooler to keep coronas. next person who tells me hospitals arn't fun needs to come party in rm 180.
It honestly took me longer to beat Ninja Turtles: Turtles in Time, than it did to have sex with her the first time we met.
Found a bar with a washer and dryer and they serve food. I never have to leave
you rearended a car with your bike and then puked all over his back windshield. They made BUI's for you.
At one point in time, he cried and said I didn't appreciate him.
That bitch ruined vodka saturday
I'm sitting on our balcony drunk. And in my underwear. Our relationship with our neighbors may improve.
He just walked up to me in the kitchen, pulled out his penis and stuck it in my sweatpants pocket.
It was probably cold. Sweatpants pockets are notoriously warm.
So apparently using the emergency exit of the bar as a bathroom is frowned upon in this establishment...
After the 3rd time his brother walked in on us I asked "Does he ever knock?" his reply "This is his room"... Turns out he didn't even live there... I feel like a hoe.
You sprinted into the side of a parked car
I have an erection and I'm about to go through airport security.
He's so in love with you that you could fuck a blood relative and he'd be like "I just want you to be happy"
Just had to tell a NYC cop I was doing the Dougie in a houndstooth jumper so he could find me in the security video.
I hate csi yet I find myself watching a full marathon. I am also eating hotdog buns stuffed with barbecue chips and they are quite tasty
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