TYLER... glimpse of last night: leather chaps, guacamole dip, a jump rope, spray paint, and rhinestone studded pajamas.
i think you have the wrong number... but your story sounds delightful.
And i quote: "where's y'alls from comin' in with them accents?" - from a mississipi mcdonalds
you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.
i feel like verizon should give a sexter of the month award
who paints a picture of their own dick and sends it to people. i dont know if its borderline crazy or just fucking genius...
She said " I'm going to get her back one day soon for putting extacy in my pop while I drove her to whislter" just a heads up.
i refuse to be around anyone not wearing a sombrero...its cinco de mayo
So that groomsmen was naked under his kilt. Also I just had sex in the elevator. And yes, those two updates are definitely related.
Fucking holidays. How do I have this many men who want to fuck me and none of them are available when I'm ready to blow my top?
Uhh I just had to break up with a guy who I didn't even know I was dating...
That seems dangerous to buy acid from a stranger on craigslist
Do you remember the guy that smelled like hot dogs?
I woke up at 5am on my couch, naked, with a cereal bowl of water next to me. Apprently, drunk me thought I was a kitten last night. Super impressed I slept next to the bowl all night and didn't spill a drop.
I want you inside me. Finish your papers.
I just caught your son trying to perform fellatio on himself. What do I do?
Randomize
