Do you think there is vodka in heaven?
you let me eat a milky way from your vagina. G is not lettin you hang out for eternity
I just typed 14 shots of Smirnoff into my calorie count toolbar. Then typed pole dancing 1.5hrs into the calorie burner search. Should break even.
The plan is to make enough mistakes this weekend to hold me over until spring break
That's why I don't chug things. Because when I was a freshman in college tequila came out my nose.
Please don't let me drink ever again. I apparently told him he could stay but as there was no room in the bed he'd have to lie on top of me and he'd need to anchor himself on with his penis so he didn't fall off.
I only call her for sex and medical advice. She admitted she feels like a worried parent when her phone rings at 5 a.m.
I just handed a girl a slice of pizza and she handed me her number. Is this how Vegas hookups normally begin?
You said you liked how I put the cream cheese on.
WHY IS SHE PANDERING YOU, A SIMPLE GOBLIN, TINY WEENER PICTURES OVER STATE LINES
I'm no longer puke free since 2013 am I.
Can you get winded from lip syncing? I don't know how Britney does it
Yeah, but having a dick this size has ruined 3 marriages.
My vagina is very pro this idea
Being high is definitely not the perfect addition to this family dinner. No. My grandma trips me the fuck out.
I'm hung over and my mom made me go to church. I feel like such a sinner.
I need an aspirin and some dignity.
Randomize
