So I've been drinking and I told the bf about the gf he almost fell of his chair
Why does it say "go to Planned Parenthood tomorrow" on my dry-erase board?
If I pass out leave the food near me so i can wake up to it
if you were to get worldwide popularity from playing guitar with a plastic yellow bat while drunk on YouTube, would you hate me?
[insert really romantic bullshit about how much i love you and how beautiful you are so you will suck my dick tonight]
So you used a whole package of smoked meat last night. Didn't eat it, just took it out and put it all over the fridge.
She called him at 5 AM so that he'd be ready for her birthday breakfast and drinks at 6. This is why people don't need to wait until their 21st to have their first drink.
But he buys me breakfast and goes down on me THATS HARD TO FIND
Bathroom attendant appreciated that hug I have him as a tip. Fucking BROKE these days.
You kept asking the bartender if you could "buy a dollar".
for the record, you never really realize how drunk you still are until you get on rollerskates...
I just held a marble with my kegel muscles for 5 min. You may call me COCKCLAMP 9000!!!!
Yup. Dog walker, house sitter and mistress to the rich, bored and bi-curious. I've got a nice little operation running.
then he grabbed my tit and yelled "FOR NARNIA!!" then dove into my vag. i think I will do him again strictly for the entertainment value
I'll text you when I have a mental breakdown about it.
Please do.
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