do you ever just like the smell of your farts?
i'm crying at olive garden. i've hit rock bottom
Dude we got so high last night. I said "watch this" threw a goldfish cracker in the toilet, and laughed my ass off. We watched the dvd menu for 30 minutes too.
My bracket is officially just a list of teams that lost.
Why the FUCK can i grow hair on my big toes but not on my chest?
We left the bar, went to a sex shop, bought penis shotglasses, went back to the bar and insisted that the bartender used them.
Apparently one comment in my womens studies class cockblocks yourself for an entire semester.
When the cops come you probably shouldn't be poking cars with a stick.
Also, fighting a very strong urge to nickname your dick Whitey Bulger, at least for today.
I was the only one at the party that didn't get their name taken by the police. I'm convinced that I'm the main character of Ferris Bueller's Drunken Adventures.
Watching him and my sister argue over a rum and coke about who's going to chop the coffee table in half with a hatchet...
I asked if anyone's pants felt wet on the bottom, like a half hour after mine did. I had just peed my pants i had gotten so high no biggie
It took like and hour to get him in me and then he came in like 2min. Size aint everything
Sorry my phone died. Obviously four o'clock in the morning is a good time to tell you this.
She won't let me meet her hot new boy toy just because she thinks it'll lead to us having a threesome. It's not fair. I thought we were friends...
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