You hook up with other guys, let him talk to other girls.
no
if i could have babies with my dog i totally would cause i know thay would be fucking hott babies.
My new sobriety test is "how many times do I have to attempt to put toothpaste on my brush"... It takes a while.
3 inches of snow, below zero windchill and i just saw a dude in a wrangler with no doors, shorts a beanie and burton snow goggles. God i love college in colorado
My grandma just told me that she sharted, no I am not having fun in El Paso.
it felt like i was a kid in an empty playground. i fucked him on every piece of furniture in the house and then when his housemates showed up i was naked in his bed like i'd been there all along.
Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
Just had a flashback to Friday. Definitely had my hands in someone's bra. Definitely wasn't mine.
You called me last night and said you had a vision that a cat made you a sandwich. You were tripping way too hard
Well according to all the calls, texts, and Facebook messages, I threw up on you guys last night.
P.S. If you wake up before noon it still counts as morning sex
So woke up naked and found my clothes from last night in my kitchen with a half eaten quesadilla
To be fair, this is a tequila-while-rewatching-Benedict-Cumberbatch-as-Van-Gogh idea, so I don't know if it will hold up tomorrow.
You ripped the leaves off the top of a pineapple then rubbed the rough skin part all over your face saying "this is how you mate with other species"
Any chance he has an open marriage? That penis shouldn’t be wasted on one woman. It should be shared with all womankind, or at least me. I’m too good at sex to be deprived a penis that large
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