He thanked me for being "his little blond pogo stick last night". Good thing?
we couldnt tell if he was gay so we started working glee quotes into the conversation to see if he noticed.
she said 'i love fried rice', threw a condom at me and passed out naked.
i like him when i'm sober AND when i'm drunk.i've been searching for this my whole life
Got high and weighed everything in the house. My head is 16.2 pounds. Is that ok?
Sophomore year, I fucked on your desk chair. I'm sorry. I love you.
At the end of the night you handed the bartender a piece of paper with the word "VISA" written on it.
This girl just texted me asking me to drop her cheese. What the fuck for that mean?
think he just told me if I need to shit I should go outside.
Also, there's the possibility of falling 5 feet to your death to make it more exciting
In which case I will yell FIVE SECOND RULE and continue to slam you
YOU DON'T JUST GET TO CALL AND SAY YOU MIGHT BE DEAD, THEN NOT ANSWER!
Also I'm proud of us for having an educational conversation in this group text.
I wanna die. I can't recall the last time I was happy that doesn't involve your hand touching my butt.
I'm glad you had fun with your genitals.
He woke up wondering who broke in and rearranged all the furniture. He reviewed 11 hours of security footage before I told him he did it while whiskey-drunk.
Randomize
