I just got wrote up for "repeatedly smelling like alcohol"
That was long passed due.
So I've come to the conclusion that I would cry if I had an ugly baby.
They have a pepper shaker for pot.
We pulled over so he could pee and the next thing I know he's running down the hill by himself with his pants down
You have not lived until you've seen your mother stumble into the house with one shoe on mumbling incoherently about tequila cupcakes.
I got a dollar bill stuffed into my bra on two separate occasions by two separate guys simply for having boobs. I feel like somewhere god is patting himself on te back while pointing at me goin "you're welcome dude." easiest two bucks I ever made.
She screams like she's just fallen out of a helicopter when she cums.
And then we were riding the keg in the pool like an 8 second rodeo...naked.
He said he discovered the mysteries of the universe inside an orange... I want whatever he was on.
We're listening to drake in the middle of the woods and smoking two joints at once...my life is complete.
i like him enough to wash my sheets.. but not enough to finally get that pink lemonade and vodka slushy stain out of my carpet
The amount of guys I've turned down for you is disgusting... You better love me.
If I'm not there when the plane leaves, I didn't make it through security. See you at home! Vegas bitches!!!
He sent me a pic of his coffee mug to be like "I'm having coffee too.” \nImagine that. Morning coffee. In your boring ass mug. Dick pic or gtfo.
It was just another case of she fell in love I fell asleep.
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