im like that movie w. ryan reynolds, no ones ever going to date me unless they're forced to marry me.
his status popped up and said 'probably going to jail.' it took everything i had not to press the like button
Dude, I just went to take a piss and looked at my ballsack... Underneath was labled "L" and "R"
I'm just not sure how to initiate the "do you want to have sex with my boyfriend and I" conversation
I'm wearing cowboy boots and showing way too much cleavage to be in a place with no jaeger.
He was crying because he hiccuped every time he kissed me. We then crawled to the kitchen because neither of us could stand, and I spoon-fed him peanut butter "to cure his ailment."
ur mom makes the best bacon
WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN MY HOUSE
Good because ass is like 60% of my diet now
Serious question: when you had my right nipple in your mouth, did my nipple ring have both of the balls on it, or was it missing one. Current situation: missing one.
We really shouldn't need this many nicknames for the women you've had sex with.
Nick's drunk off his ass and Kyle just Texted me and all he said was "butt pirates from space".
The best part of the night was you shouting "I have to take the LSAT tomorrow" between shots of fireball.
Facebook just reminded me of the time I found two IHop cheese sticks in my hand bag. Those were the days.
Nxt time we drink that much, we'll have to hide the crayons. Crayola-ing a mural on the living room wall wasnt the brightest idea, but it sure is classy. Right?
Turns out your granddad is cooler than you. We're taking him on our New year's eve pub crawl instead. Sorry.
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