Today at work while talking to my co-worker we both realized at the same time that last year I had a one night stand with his roommate and he was in the living room drinking coffee when I did the walk of shame. YAY.
this girl ate taco bell on my bed naked last night, it was the sexiest thing ive ever seen
Christmas on farmville was waaaaay better than my actual Christmas.
"I never want to have to say, 'Please don't squirt me with your breast milk' again.
he sent me this 10 second long video of a gorilla eating a banana on my phone. no explanation. I didn't even have his number. just. a gorilla eating a banana.
He puked at the bar then immediately procceded to slip in it, they loaded him up into a wheelchair, then the staff and myself walked him outside, all the while never having to pay for our tab. SO using this strategy again
do you think theyll let us bring mariachis to the strip club?
We found you naked curled up in a ball in the closet, using a gorilla suit as a blanket
Nothing like cleaning dried puke off your floor to make you feel like you've failed as an adult.
That was like a fiery explosion of flailing arms and wonderful passion
She took a six hour road trip with me so I could have revenge sex with my ex's brother. That is the definition of a best friend.
Does going to a local bar count as taking part in Small Business Saturday? Asking for a friend
just found out that my aunt grows weed. today is a good day to be me.
Where am I? And why the fuck did you leave me here?
Relax. I left you somewhere safe plus you have all my weed so you know I will come back for you.
Bold words for someone NOT on a unicycle
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