Sometimes I think my vagina thinks its a penis.
i spent 15 mins trying to take money out of ATM with my drivers license saying, "what the fuckkkk" everytime it didnt work
"tonights gonna be a goodnight" was blasting at the club while i was screaming "NO ITS NOT" and crying. How do you think it went?
The sign in front of ihop says "designated drivers get half off their order"
Just think, this time last Cinco de Mayo you were holding me up and finding me passed out in the yard of that house.
I'm drunk at McDonald's in a fairy costume at 10 am nearly two weeks after Halloween. I don't think the Ohio State fans get it.
It was awful. Mid hookup he started reading the titles of the books over my bed, which were about Russian imperial history. He then started asking me questions about the class I was reading the books for. I was like "WE HAVE TIME FOR THAT LATER, PLEASE CONTINUE."
HE WAS DRESSED LIKE A FISHERMAN AND HE WAS LIKE OH SHIT I THINK I JUST FOUND THE DEADLIEST CATCH i couldnt not go for it my honour compelled me
bought even stevens on dvd and enough weed and pizza bagels to last us a week.. ready to get snowed in?
Though I don't usually want to turn down ladies who want to liquify my clothing with their eyes, I made an exception.
I just found out that there's a bar that has happy hour at 12 pm. It's like the universe doesn't want me to be sober
Are ropes allowed in during conjugals?
I brought those bastards cookies so they can deal with my sex noise, fuck them and their roommate asses
"You can have sex in my class, just stay quiet. I don't like noise." My professor... Shall make for an interesting semester.
Dude, running 15 min late.
Let's play a game, you pay for all the drinks I can finish before you get here. Go.
Randomize
