Im at strip club and am horny
I can tell how much and what I drank by my morning shits
he's afraid if he sleeps with me i'll go all lavender brown on him
i'm wearing my white shorts to coax my period out of hiding.
At what point in my life was I not hugged enough to be on my fourth walk of shame in half as many weeks?
I think winning the long island race means you lose at life
I'm sick of being the only unemployed member of the group. Doing things alone isn't partying. Its sad.
There's a 35% chance I'm still residually drunk from last night.
And you say you're not good with numbers...
I would totally lead with that as a line.'So, I was on Legends of the Hidden temple as a kid.. Your place or mine?'
Unfortunately, the Bilbo Baggins adventure side of me that likes to go on adventures appears to be losing to the side of me that likes to smoke weed in the bathtub and watch Workaholics.
stalking the twitter feeds of girls who have fucked my current fuck buddy makes me glad we use condoms
It happened to me once. But i washed off in a duck pond and walked home naked.
You are the only person I know who has a fierce hatred for a five year old. Not even five year olds in general, yours is very specific
"This must be what Jayden Smith feels like all the time"
Has anyone heard from Jamie or has she actually just been having sex for 48 hours?
Randomize
