you kept wiggling your finger at everybody at the party telling us this is how he fingered me. you seemed pretty upset about it.
There is a mermaid on oprah and she looks nothin like ariel
you threw up out the window, wiped your face with a twenty dollar bill, and threw that out the window too.
did we at least go back and get it?
how else do you think we got jack in the box...?
A girl just asked me to co-sign for her boob job because she didn't have enough credit built up. This is a first.
if your not going to answer your phone this is just going to be an embarrassment tomorrow
he handed me my panties in front of my date. turns out he wasn't that mad.
I just spent the last ten minutes making a timeline of my sex life. 2010 and 2011 I am calling "I can't believe Im still clean" years.
My roommate said I banged on the wall and said, "this dude eats pussy like a champ."
theres 2 cans of open Campbell's soup on the counter and a note that says "guess which one is puke" ... want lunch?
You're lucky you got out when you did, about an hour later the girl in the Franzia box started wrestling everyone.
I had mdma, weed, and alcohol in my system. My doctor seems to think that's how I tore my groin.
I'm sending you a dick pic. Ill tell the other ppl in this pancheros its cool
Don't send a pic of dick unless it's inside the burrito
The Olympian is in my bed
They think I fractured my spine while doing your cousin on concrete.
Nate is still in lock up because when the cop informed me he'd shit his pants in the squad car I declined to post bail.
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