i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
No, I was feeling sad because all of the other girls were like model-skinny. But then I remembered that I had big boobs and went to hit on their boyfriends.
bro...we were banging on her floor and her dog walked in and started licking my balls
sitting in an airport in detroit. just saw a commercial for detroit tourism with kid rock as a spokesman. reason # 1458 to never visit this city.
I want to have a prehistoric party. By that, I mean I want to dress up as a dinosaur and get drunk. That's all I want in life.
found inexpensive tickets to Norway. Questioning if its legal. PLEASE tell me you remebered the walkie talkies and face paint.
Teasing with taco bell is not funny. High or sober.
PS: I just woke up from my shower
Karaoke machines out. We're taking turns farting into the microphone. Shits going south fast. Definitely be awake when you get home.
I won't be able to get a boner for a month
Challenge accepted.
So hungover. Walked into room and poached their catering before realized in wrong place. Scowled and ate it anyway
I woke up on a navy base in a different time zone. I'm never leaving tallahassee again.
So...guess who had sex tied to the ladder of a caboose under the stars in Joshua Tree? This bitch
At some point, you're going to have to talk to a tree and do what it says
Totally writing my paper on the toilet. Makes me miss you.
Randomize
