bar tonight had a doorbell to get in and last night i saw my neighbors fuck on the balcony, she wore a nurse outfit. Missouri isn't so bad...
I just heard a teenager say to his friend "dats my baby! i was hittin her up on myspace like gurllll. she got me steamin". must have missed the memo its 2005 and we still use myspace.
Why did you take off so early
No more beer. And also. Threesome. Maybe. Ill let you know.
So he says he needs "alone time" a day that he doesnt have to deal with anyone. should i be concerned?
I think in guy language thats " Im fucking someone else and dont want u catching me"
Avril Lavigne as a judge on Idol wearing devil ears. it's like every boner you ever had in 2002 just came true.
i wish that every time i slipped on a sheet of ice i had the ability to recover with a michael jackson move
I'm worried I'm going to miss my flight so I set a series of alarms on my phone to act as checkpoints to make sure I'll be there. 2am-stop drinking; 4am-stop fucking stephanie, get some sleep; 5am-wake up, fuck stephanie once more; 6am-get to the airport
Last thing I remember was you straddling a guy in a wheelchair on the dance floor.
He just came into the room wearing nothing but a Speed Racer helmet. I think he just invented a fetish.
for the record, graham crackers won't get the taste of cock out of your mouth. also we're out of graham crackers
I have poison ivy on my dick
WHAT
How have you never felt a dick as hard as mine?
"Nobody needs to know that I have a vibrating butt plug and nobody needs to know that I'm probably gonna start wearing it at work"
I just wish the first erections of my life didn't take place at a dentists office but hey whatever I turned out alright
You don’t need a wing man if you have a solid hook up on the pumpkin pie
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