We're all in the kiddie pool on the porch. Fully clothed. Watching porn. With my manager.
I found a body half wedged into my bedroom wall this morning. How do I explain THIS to the carpenters?
After your flask fell out of your leg brace and you told your RA that it was juice, you tried to unlock your dorm room but your key was attached to your bra so he ended up seeing your boobs
The kind of drunk where you put two tampons in thinking that it'll last me longer ...
Is it wrong I want to seduce my ex to prove the point to his current gf he's an ass?
They just keep looking funny at me. No one has attempted to tell me that I don't make sense though so maybe they're all way more high than I am.
I just got home and someone ate all my chicken nuggets. Bitches be asking for a death sentence?
When you're not at your house I assumed you're somewhere having sex
Please note that in response to your post about your dog's jaws clamped hard around a stick, I did not comment, "Takes after his dad." You're welcome.
Consider yourself lucky. If I ever run into my ex, all I'll be able to think is, "I let you pee on me and lead me around on a leash."
Thanks to a bad fart decision during a production meeting, I am now on my way to Target to buy new pants. How is your day?
After he finished he laid there and told me how much work that just was. I looked at him and told him not to ruin a good thing by opening his mouth.
The Domino's delivery guy is in front of me at The Wendy's drive-through. Hmmm.....
I wanted to give everyone gifts as they left the house... So when your wondering where most of the christmas ornaments are I'm really sorry.
ya figured it'd be nice to explore the mythical world of sober sex i've heard so much about
i've often wondered how it works
Randomize
