I just put out an orange level terrorist threat on her punani
we were naked in his bed and he told me all about what a "baller" alexander the great was.
After the VIP Latina experience at the strip club last night, I am rooting for Mexico in this years World Cup.
im failing my bio class b/c he booty calls me wednesday nights at 6 like clockwork
Just saw my bank statement. It literally goes liquor store pizza place liquor store pizza place bar bar bar liquor store pizza place 711 for snacks withdrawl for drugs rinse and repeat
I vaguely remember having a 'grass is greener' conversation about our nipples. Dream or beautiful reality?
Beautiful, beautiful reality
Just ate a gummy bear I found in my sheets. So yeah, 2013 is SO gonna be my year.
My roomate has me out looking for easter kegs hidden arround town
My 7 yo sister is trying to talk my mom into buying her a strawberry margarita. Happy Cinco de Mayo.
Im pretty sure my housekeeper high fived her on the way out this morning
I puked into my skirt and then had to carry it to the bathroom and dump it out, Lmfao and it was like 2pm
Laziness has hit a new level. I'm out of clean sexy underwear and meeting a boy tonight so I'm having a thong delivered via post mates.
He was so drunk we almost didn't even make it to his place because he didn't know where he lived
My boss just texted me, clearly drunk, and said get down here pronto with a handle of rum, 50 lbs. of cold cuts, and a BB gun. This is not why I went to law school.
DESTROY DICK DECEMBER\nTHE SUN SHINES ON THE THIRSTY
Randomize
