I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
Why do all fat girls have "that smell"?
i wasn't about to bring her gummy handcuffs to her father's funeral
Finals week has gone away, doo dah doo dah, drink martinis naked day oh da doo dah day
im just laying here pukin in my mouth and swallowing it 'cause im WAY too lazy to actually get up and find a place to vomit. this is my life now.
Dude.. full face helmets and hangovers do not mix... I am never going to get rid of the smell of puke.
I blew him while watching the aristocats. There were singing cats in the background. I think he he hummed along at one point.
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
There's a naked man in my car right now.
DC is easy, you will figure it out.
I'm drunk and blonde. You are wayyyy underestimating this.
You don't know how emotionally damaged I am from crashing into that park maintenance van. I'll never ride a bike because of it.
There something liberating about walking through the dorm hallways without pants on.
When you're done railing that chick, there is still half a pizza and some ninja turtle mac and cheese down here if you want
Apparently I gave a guy a hand job on the dance floor. ON THE DANCE FLOOR.
I will bring Jesus to court if he punishes me for that
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