He's sitting on the floor holding his bracket and crying, literally crying... he just keeps saying "Kansas how could you?" over and over
We hung out in the bathroom the whole time and talked about sex and watched some girl pee. If you don't believe I was there, check the bathtub for bread crust.
So, do you think I should wash the ashes off of my forehead before going to the strip club?
Whiskey + Water + Crystal Lite does NOT = refreshing summer time drink.....
Horrible. I told her my girlfriend is in the hospital and she tried to give me a lapdance.
I had to stop mid sex to take my turn on words with friends so he wouldn't get suspicious. Hookup of the night helped me. We won.
oh sorry. I thought "boat" was code for "penis"
My radar detector detects ice cream trucks. I think it was made for stoners
I'm in the middle no shirt white shorts humping the white dustbuster next to the guy shooting off the tazer infront of the two guys humping on the bicycle
LinkedIn just suggested I might know the guy I caught my wife fucking.
Sorry brah. Drastic times called for drastic measures and I had to go home and bang a cougar.
Do you ever just feel like you can feel hormones radiating from your uterus?
You came down the stairs dressed as winnie the pooh and kicking cups off the table and out of people's hands
He met a girl at a stop light and managed to give her his number while driving down the highway.
It’s the universal cock block of this decade
FUCK THE COCKBLOCK 19
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