So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
Let's make love on the newspapers that declare financial doomsday
Hey when I die alone will you come by often enough so that my cats don’t eat my face?
New discovery: doing the Helen Keller is not as attractive as I thought it would be, in reference to the sex noises.
sometimes i wish i could just stick a turkey baster up there and suck out the blood
can you explain to me why you commented on every one of my profile pics with "tits and beer ftw" please and thank you.
I think the best way to start out any day is to watch 80's music videos. It's like visual wheaties.
Literally he has the smallest penis I've ever felt since 8th grade.
It's like you don't even want to get drunk with me everyday, anymore.
you threatened to puke on the table cause they didnt serve eggs Benedict
Call me when your ready for an explanation about the ham in your vagina.
She said pants are for pussies while spooning peanut butter onto her frosted flakes with a serving spoon. She's not even high yet.
i have my bailey's and coffee which lasts me until lunch, at which time its appropriate for me to bring a vodka and OJ mix for the afternoon. This university thing is grrreat
In other news, people don't judge you when you buy a vibrator if you buy a funny birthday card and bag with it. I learned that this weekend.
See I am maturing. I just got in from my DRIVE of shame......
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