She said her name was "party"
Add "its too hot" to reasons why I don't get fucked anymore
So my mom just called me into her room and showed me a condom wrapper she found in my room. "Oh that's from when I was like 16." I don't think that was very comforting.
why are there post-it notes all around the apartment labeled where you guys had sex and in what position
Revenge fucks should not count towards the total number. They're justified.
No subtext here. People are naked.
This is your morning news. Today at 5 pm I will be going out of town until the 29th. If you would like some great sex before I leave, please contact me. The available packages are: a house call, an outdoor excursion, or a delivery style in-car quickie. available only while supplies last.
So, I'm drinking, and I put my head down in the table. The cat jumped up to check on me, I have a cat sober monitor.
i'm covered in glitter and body paint WTF
We're showing the video later bring pizza
He kept singing Happy Birthday to himself, yelling at the bouncers for not letting him in, and telling them his "father will hear of this." He was like a drunken Scottish Draco Malfoy.
Sorry for face planting onto the table with all our alcohol on it
I opened my eyes to the dog snorting coke, I decided it was best to just close my eyes and forget what I saw
if it makes you feel any better you looked really comfortable while you were sleepin in the closet, atleast according to the pictures i woke up with on my phone
I just found a baklava I forgot I got last night so we can call it a day
idk but im stoned n hiding in the bathroom from my kids with a really big bowl of really little candy bars
Randomize
