True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
You gave him your vagina and this is what I get in return? This is bullshit!
So I've come to the conclusion that I would cry if I had an ugly baby.
it's a little hard to watch the basketball games with my family considering they keep cheering for the guy that i had a one night stand with...
No joke. Last we saw of him he was naked and dragging that stupid goat into the bushes.
His penis has a special gift of curing my broken heart
He's basically like a fancy dildo that buys me dinner.
how is it that I keep meeting up with you when Im drunk?
you stand on my porch screaming my name until I come out with you...
He was eating my ass and came up for air, I almost choked laughing because he had a toilet paper cling on stuck in his mustache
First encounter with a mirco peen. I was confused when he said he doesnt go down on girls. Cmon dude, practice on a peach.
Nothing says I'm committed to you for all eternity like letting him wear crocs to the wedding
Not bad. Ran into Carlo. He shared a story about a sailor who got gonorrhea in his eye. It made me feel better about myself.
I woke up at 3am, top off, with campus security telling me to get dressed. Tonight was a GOOD NIGHT
He tripped and fell all the way to the ground and then stood right back with out spilling a drop of his 3/4 full glass of rum and coke. It was like watching something from the matrix
She is beauty she is grace
she’s masturbsting in front of an open window while drunk af 9am
i thought you had class
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