i just met a girl who was sent to the hospital for using her phone as a vibrator and got electrocuted. 4 weeks later she got sent back for shoving a hot dog up there. welcome to the teenage american society
make sure you eat your skittles last so when you barf you can barf RAINBOWS.
I'm glad you enjoy my eating disorder so much.
guess they didn't have any donuts in her size.
It's shedding
I told you penises don't tan
fuck. I just remembered I agreed to let you finger me last night for solely for "scientific purposes"
Pretty sure I'm taking the break up well. Alcohol made me okay with it and drugs keep me agreeing with why I dumped him in the first place.
I just took the cheapest shot in your honor
Nah, this is the University of Tennessee. She'll get the clap, and get busted for having pot in her dorm by spring break. This time next year she'll be part-timing at a community college as a nursing major. So predictable it hurts.
We are both federal employees and Obama gave us a four-day weekend to lie in bed. Do you know how many orgasms that will be? I knew there was a reason I voted for this guy.
YOU'RE CHANGING THE SUBJECT. I CAN BLOW SOMETHING UP OR I CAN TELL HIM YOU LOVE HIM, BUT ONE OF THE TWO IS BOUND TO HAPPEN
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
She moaned the name on my fake id during sex, that or she's cheating on me with someone named Victor
I never want to even look at fireball again because it reminds me of the night I died and then lived to tell the tale of how I died.
I just paid $10 for tinder plus so that I could change my location to Rio and match with Olympic Athletes
Dude I woke up with a handprint shaped bruise on my ass, a pong ball in my cleavage, and somebody else's gold chain around my neck. Who's house am I in?
Randomize
