We're facebook friends in real life
I told them you could toss a salad like wolfgang puck
Who did Billy Mays play for?
just heard a swedish guy suck in helium and speak in his accent. top 5 favorite moments. ever.
you try finding a go kart track at 4 AM on Thanksgiving
Or they can chase TEQUILA shots with it. I don't know why my phone capitalizes TEQUILA.
lets just use each other and get past this awkward stage. forget my name.
Just woke up from a weed coma and found a stem in my bra. Rainy day success.
I mean technically the bite was both in my nose and on the outside of it. I thought I was going to need stitches or something.
Why was his mouth around your nose anyways?
It was just one of those nights, man.
How early is too early to study with margaritas?
In the future, could you not call me 'bro' while we're having sex?
he's had a change of heart. and besides, we could use a laugh.
oh, well, if you all need a good laugh, by all means endanger my life.
Alas, I cannot find a male suitor sharing my affinity for sport culture who will both manhandle me and treat me with the respect a young Hillary supporter wants and deserves
Morning! Got your 3am VM to remind you to get up for spin class and also confirm you were not murdered by the sketchy guy at brunch yesterday. So this is your literal and metaphorical wake up call.
Wait, I'm confused. I EMPTIED the bottle? as in consumed it? I'm impressed with myself.
Randomize
