You don't have asthma, your pregnant
This girls a $30 bar tab from being bi
I'm actually pretty neutral about a lot of things. I'm like Switzerland with a penis.
we dont know what were doing after yet. first up we have 90 beers and a party kit and fun hats.
I swallowed and made him pancakes in the morning. I feel almost as desperate as Jennifer Aniston at this point.
in the morning i found her name, number and address on one of the empty pizza boxes. also said "ps. if you find my shoes please mail to me."
I got a lap dance from a guy last night dressed as a school girl. Heels and all. His heels got stuck in my fish nets
If you die first, I'm going to sleep with a pallbearer at your funeral.
"I vaguely remember the Health and Safety Inspector walking into my room this morning while I was passed out naked. That's one way to get it over with quickly."
You decided it was too difficult to walk down the stairs so you just rolled across his kitchen floor laughing like a maniac and trying to drink at the same time
I smell like hot dogs and captain morgan it's 11:20 am what is my life
Went home with a male stripper who looked like Justin Timberlake.. I started singing cry me a river mid sex. When he sang along I fell in love
I'm so happy we share a mutual love of laughing at religion.
I'm bringing pajamas, aspirin, morning after clothes and morning after pill
When I found out he was circumcised I called his mother and thanked her
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