yo I wanna see you, bring that beard of yours
I took her to see 2012 then broke up with her, the movie was a metaphor.
I was giving him a blow job in the kitchen, but it was uncomfortable. so i took the oven mitts and used them as knee pads.
Don't tell me i'm not fucking resourceful.
Well, technically I had a shirt on, it was just around my waist.
I feel so much closer to you now that I heard your poop splash into the toilet.
i'm too stoned to be pregnant. the kicking is morse code for wanting beef jerky.
I just want dick. Yours just gets priority because it is glorious
I think you blew our chances when you yelled "YOU SLUTS COMING TO THE TITTIE BAR?" in their face
I'm treating myself to a " uve slept with yet another mr. Wrong" breakfast
you can now officially say a girl has shaved your initials into her pubes. welcome to the club.
Drive by water balloon fight on $500,000 boats ended when someone threw a dildo
The fact that me being able to walk down stairs is an accomplishment in my books pretty much explains how I am
I just brought her a lipstick taser. So just remember that the next time you get smart with her
Btw that $18 I gave you to run around outside naked came out of your wallet.
I'd like to know who hasn't seen my tits tonight.
Randomize
