I've had cake for breakfast the past 3 days. You tell me how bikini season is going.
oh my god its dad's weekend for the sororities i can't wait to throw up in front of all these parents
All I remember is taking a bath, puking in the bath water numerous times while trying to wash myself and I must of eventually given up
just had to explain to the health center why i wanted 50 condoms a month.
When I told her that her boyfriend was making out with another chick, all she said was "which one"
you flashed my boyfriend last night so i tackled you to the floor. you may be a bit sore.
The blackout version of me left a ransom note to the sober self. Somebody needs to control that guy
Come over we're celebrating the one month anniversary of her first 4/20
No really tho I'm wearing a chucky cheese shirt and yoga pants. If that doesn't scream no sex idk what does
An don't say it's "personal preference" cause I don't buy it. I just want to have normal cool guy balls. I don't want to be the dude that's still rocking the equivalent of the "mid 90's bowl cut" of scrotum haircuts.
Hey ER girl, its the EMT you beat at blowjobs shots last night.
That is the scariest sentence I have ever read.
You and your vagina are hellbent on selfdestruction and bad decisions
Dude...can we put that on a tshirt? I will totally sport that shit.
Telling the family you're going for a run, getting dressed in workout clothes, and then walking halfway around the block and smoking a joint. This is my life
He seems like a super lonely dude. I bet if I gave him a picture of my tits he wouldn't make me turn in this paper.
My girlfriend is talking to my ex-boyfriend at the bar right now. I REPEAT, GIRLFRIEND IS TALKING TO EX BOYFRIEND RIGHT NOW. GET ME THE FUCK OUT OF THIS PLAACE
Randomize
