What started out as a threesome has become me sitting here watching them have sex... Can I get a ride home?
We're watching an ocean show on Discovery Channel and drinking every time they say "dolphins." PS. Seals kill birds. Tell all your friends.
I don't remember him, but he's saved in my phone as "uh oh zbt"
You convinced us both to take shots of jack Daniels through our eyes.
I can't break up with him, I ran the math. Taking into account his 7 inch penis and the standard deviation from average, almost 90% of guys should have a smaller penis than he does.
Really? Penis math? This is why guys shouldn't date female engineers.
She suggested that I come visit her in Europe and hook up with the heteroflexible Korean who sits next to her in class. Polylove is the best love.
i have a feeling i am the only one who can successfully pull off the "slutty kentucky derby" look.
Like her Facebook page isn't even hers. It belongs to her tits. It's Titsbook
I am the girl who goes to bed with her make-up on so that she doesn't have to fully redo it in the morning. I am obviously not ready to be a mother.
How does that even work?
she walked in on me throwing up in the sink with my pants around my ankles and I said "i'll be with you in a sec"
Would you like to get an apartment bong? It can be like our pet and we can give it a name.
Holy shit I've found my last one night stand in my Gran's knitting club
Hey it's Males-You-Probably-Wish-You-Hadnt-Had-Sex-With Monday. MYPWYHHSWM
Also, my old intern Lizzie whom you fed pizza to last night wants to hang out with you
i am no longer ashamed when i walk into the dining hall for sunday brunch and i'm greeted with applause for suriving my weekend
Randomize
