There is somethin about your sexuality that makes my dick do jumping jacks when I see you
Two girls down stairs, two girls up stairs and....
We've got ourselves a situation
He just made me apologize because his morning wood is NOT a laughing matter.
its friday night, im aone in my apartment and eating 2 year expired canned fruit, naked. i'm not single or anything..
I am currently exfoliating my skin with the toilet. We've never been so close.
I think we've had way too many heart to hearts in the Mc Donalds parking lot for this to be a healthy relationship
And I might get them triple pierced after that
Damn, I didn't realize you'd declared war on airport metal detectors
Did he seem like the type of guy that would maybe take weed as payment?
No. I'm laying on the floor naked. I almost made it to the shower
This could be the definition of living by yourself
I'VE CAME 4 TIMES TODAY. I AM AS DRY AS THE SAHARA, STOP YOUR WHINING.
How awkward is it to have the guy you used to sleep with congratulate you on your engagement? I'll tell you. Very.
Tinder in Coventry is like browsing a gallery of mugshots from Azkaban
The guy I hooked up with two weeks ago just friended me on Venmo, I honestly won't be mad if he pays me for the sex
But if you move out who will get drunk with me on the roof and yell at boys?!?
someone just "made it rain" kraft processed sliced cheese. i forgot what it was like to be home...
Randomize
