Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
he wouldn't shut up and let me sleep
yeah i got into a fight with my man last night
why can't men just shut up and put out?
It's a lightpost hitting you in the head. Of course it's going to hurt the day after.
The sun is so bright. Whhyyyyy. EYES ARE DEAD.
You said your legs stopped working and then pulled yourself around the floor with your hands.
That explains the wood chips stuck in my nipples.
I'm not about to serve this country to fuckin not have rum and cheezits for breakfast
He came when he saw that my nipples were pieced
It feels like I'm being stabbed in the uterus with a rake. That night was totally worth it though. Thanks.
DO NOT SLAP ANYONE WITH ANY VEGAN MEAT PATTIES
You tried to steal my pants at 3am saying they were yours and somebody was gonna die, not cool dude
Thanks for the pic It's going to be lovely dealing with my boner while I'm in a meeting with your father.
You pretty much lost your mind. Your ego has gotten ten time the size of your balls.
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
I woke up on the green space outside our dorm cradling a watermelon and sucking my thumb. College is crazy man.
I got a gay guy to motorboat me. These tits could change the world, I'm telling you.
Randomize
