dude chill. it wont be anything like your seventh grade birthday party.
I did that thing where I cum for no reason again.
I just found out that the liquid capacity of my breasts is 700ml each. I should not be left alone at home when drunk.
proof that my night is going well: I can still open doors
It's christmas eve and my mom blacked out before me. If she beat me at that, what have I been learning at college?
He ate me out while I was wearing a tiara.... I think I could get used to this
Dear lord though. So much glitter. It's just a big gay explosion and all of my whore muscles hurt.
i've created a new STD.
I just set a reminder on my phone to get star spangled hammered this weekend.
I just woke up to myself peeing the bed. Happy hump day! I'll never get married.
He's so twisted that he's acting out Dragon Ball-Z by himself. The Tanquray and THC combo doesn't play around.
I just wanted to check in on you and you replied with a selfie with your Coney Island waiter and the caption "after his shift we're dropping acid together"
All I need is $1,500, a beach ready body, a bigger dick & this will be the best spring break ever.
In the middle of pounding my asshole he stopped and said, "do you want to get breakfast after this?"
THEY LEFT ME IN A CLUB BY MYSELF. I’M SO ANNOYED. I’M GOING TO FUCK THEIR BARTENDER FRIEND. Caps only because I’m really mad.
Randomize
