if another girl says "im usually cleaner down there" I'm just going to shoot myself
he gave me an orgasm. multiple times. the weird stuff he did in middle school is now irrelevant.
please remember that your boobs are bigger than your sisters. when you borrow her shirts they stretch and then shes left flapping in the breeze. dont borrow her clothes anymore. love dad.
He told me he doesn't dance and he hates drunken excitement. Why I ever thought it would work is beyond me.
frankly if you're gonna get kicked out of your place, hooking up with your gay roommate's boyfriend would be the most entertaining way to do it.
threw up in the library. i should be embarrassed, but i'm willing to bet that i'm one of the first so i'm kinda proud.
The last thing I remember is ordering two Martinis while yelling 'CAN YOU PUT THAT IN ONE GLASS?'
put me on a leash or i'm going to fuck someone
We were all definitely blackout with drunk goggles on, even though you and Amanda were the only ones dressed up as it.
Congrats. You are not detrimental enough to my psyche to be discussed during this mornings therapy appointment. Please follow up next week to see if you made the cut.
my math prof is telling us what to do in a gun fight. i dont want to live in oakland anymore.
the bruises from climbing out of the window last night make sitting at my desk impossible. legit excuse to not study right?
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
There is a special place in hell for people who only eat the center of the pot brownies.
This morning when you were fucking me you said you'd go to the store and get me tampons and a 30 pack
Randomize
