11:03 p.m. Whats a lie i you lovn me. Let's cuddle.
Text. Mid BJ. 8 points.
i got turned down by a girl after she saw how big my penis was and she said "thats not goin in me"
It's almost like sex with her has gotten boring... like it's still good, but the creativity is lacking... it's times like these that i wish she still wanted me to gag her
Oh my god, I hid a wine bottle in my boot.
I woke up using a pile of socks as a pillow. I think theyre clean so thats a plus.
The couch is in the bathroom. I don't understand how that is even possible. I couldnt even fit that shelf thingy through the door. Come help. I am about to pee my pants.
Hey, this is a mass text. I have a hospital bill from November, and I don't know from what. Did anyone bring me to the hospital on a drunken night that I don't remember...?
Is it a good time to tell him he's getting too clingy if he sent me a picture of my name spelled with Cheerios?
He needs to seriously stop texting me at 3am for sex. Late night and early morning hours are for the guys who DON'T bust a nut in the first 5 minutes of making out.
Yeah minute men are best for late afternoons when you're inbetween running errands and have nothing to do.
You texted me a picture of your face along with #help
He was supposed to visit me tonight but he decided to stop in Tacoma so now I'm sitting on my bed naked eating oranges and candy corn while I watch Parks and Rec.
Now I have to hook up with him tomorrow DURING THE DAY.
Apparently I called him, said "vodka" and then hung up on him.
It was like a baby arm holding another baby arm holding an apple grove. Fuckin huge!
I'm sorry about the fire. I was too fucked up to do science, apparently.
Randomize
