how was the sex?
he smelled like pickles and burnt hair.
well, there's that.
they started a semi-successful rumor that toby keith died. who says fraternities don't have goals
I have just figured that it takes exactly 2 and a half rums to clean the bathroom..
So i think i'm going to frame my summons tickets and give them to dad as a christmas present...
Babysitting for someone you accidently sent nudies to is so fucking awkward.
I'm driving up the street and can't tell if my ears are actually about to pop or not.
A solid 8.5 on the baked meter, I need to stop.
I'm just going to text him the word sex repeatedly until he comes over.
Did it work?
Duh, it only took 27 texts and 15 minutes and he was at my front door.
Here's my first problem: I'm drunk
I took did three shots of fireball and did and handstand. When I stood up some busty slut lead me my the hand down the hall into her dorm room.
But I'm sure your having and "a monumentally better time" repeating the 12th grade
Is "head down ass up" an appropriate way to say good morning?
do you think the dildo I'm bringing through airport security is considered a weapon?
I have vodka and 50 pizza rolls best spring break ever
I keep having dreams where I tie him up and eat cookies off of him while riding him. Wtf brain.
after the ketamine those signs on the bathroom door had little meaning to us
there's a bowling ball in the dishwasher and a dog bone in the freezer
Randomize
