Maybe if i eat something filling like whole wheat pasta it will make me less hungry for things like dick
i'm smoking hookah in a kayak. how did this happen.
some guy just asked me if water gets in a vag when girls take a bath. WTF. it's not a wind tunnel!
We were hooking up and you crawled into bed with us, because you had lost your phone and didn't "want to be alone at a time like this."
Can you come over to my place and make up for the crap you called sex yesterday?
Good morning to you
I found them on a couch next to the sidewalk screaming at cars with a megaphone. Kevin chased the mailman with a jello shot.
We're not in high school anymore. I'm not going to pretend to be impressed as he butchers my favorite songs on his guitar. I just wanted to get laid.
First thought today, I need a ventriloquist dummy that looks like me. This week's project has been determined.
Ugh I miss culture and lesbians already
She is larger then a hippo. You could cut her open in the middle of a blizzard and crawl in like Luke skywalker. Throw a couch and a tv in there and you're set
And THIS is why we get drunk. No good story, documentation, or event happens by eating a salad. Alcohol consumption leads to good things
She can't brag about all the anal sex she has and then expect me not to awkwardly stare at her boyfriend when she brings him around
I got to my internship late... with a bag of chipotle and sex hair.
When I walked out of the bathroom and you were literally dancing, you looked at me and said 'this is how I dance'. And then continued.
Fuck you. Fuck this party. I just wanted to be pretty with a cute little tiara and boys sucking my tits, now i have a hangman game drawn on my face and jello shots in my hair.
I wanted to give you a great birthday party. You know I did.
Randomize