I need a sticker that says "It's no use hitting on me - I'm the plus one" Seriously, how do they think I got in in the 1st place?
I just got called an ass for saying no thanks to a Greenpeace solicitor. I don't want the whales to die but I do want Greenpeace to fail. Conundrum.
i've counted 4 condom wrappers but only 3 condoms. not again.
She just said she finds Tyler Perry funny... this is not going to work.
I even resorted to pole dancing with the street sign. I have an extra $20 now because I think people were paying me to leave.
How did your new apartment party go last night?
I'm really happy i have a bigger bathroom to puke in.
your drunk mistake has arrived...he is the one wearing a poncho
I'm about to play Thunderstruck by myself, that way I'll always get the long thunder part.
The face that yo gabba gabba comes up when I'm stoned and searching for yoga workouts is scary or dangerous
Yeah, this dress is irreparably whorey. I've resigned myself to being a family scandal.
that's just what you get for learning massage techniques from gay porn
And all you did was hit on me and do things "for America", so you weren't judged heavily
So I walked in on her and she had taped her fingers together and was crying and was whispering something about "how humbling it is being in constant glove mode"
At Walgreens. I'm getting condoms and a bottle of water so that I'm not "just getting condoms". I don't think I'm fooling anyone though.
Whoever put the life size cut out of Snoop Dog next to me in bed understands me.
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