I just took went to the bathroom and it smelt like blue curococo... I didn't flush yet so head on up if you wanna know what a good night smells like.
If I get laid, we are framing that mattress and hanging it on the wall as the place we both lost our virginities.
But mostly the blowjob in the airport bathroom was what I was laughing at.
in other news, i feel like i just shat out all my sins.
Next time someone asks you what your spirit animal is do you really want to answer the iowa state fair butter cow?
Part of me really wants this picture, but the other part of me knows if he is really this drunk, he could be sodomizing a lamp and not know it
Booty calls should never involve the cops.
I'm curious as to what my outfit choices drunk me made for this weekend.
I know but at least you've never been asked to have sex dressed up like Catwoman
Naked. naked and bneed help.
There's a super pregnant woman here complaining about back pain. I better not see a live birth in the hair care aisle
I'm really going to need you to stop yelling Campari.
I am so stoned. And there are so many white people in this Jack in the Box.
Cum just came out of my nose. That is all.
Remembering you have vodka in the freezer gives the same surge of happiness as finding 20 bucks in a coat pocket.
Randomize
