remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
Stop it. You sound like you're giving birth.
you said you get the best orgasms off Pez dispensers. how do you think he felt????
He told me his condom was going to expire tomorrow and he needed to use it. I can't believe I fell for it.
Let's turn this shoulder dislocation into a positive. Come to the hospital, bring some beers, let's party.
i could have sworn she did an overextended split with her legs over her head but now i think it was just the drugs
My leg won't stop wagging. It's like it's congratulating my vagina.
I an in a belgian bar and i cant understand shit. Trying to talk to strangers. Getting drunk until we all speak the same language. Brace for updates.
someone to text and fuck? since when does that constitute a relationship?
since 2006
These bathrooms are miraculous. I'd love to have sex in here. Wow. I've peed 5 times.
He shoved his balls through an egg carton and showed us a picture. They were surprisingly egg-like.
No, it wasn't really a sexy 'I'm going to go masturbate.' It was an 'I'm going to go masturbate' that implied I was going to drink a tall boy of Mikes and cry while I looked at lesbian porn.
Well he wouldn't kiss me so I made out with a German girl, took a shot with my boss, and I think I sprained my ankle. It was a quiet Sunday for me.
i swear i was one second from getting his number and then the shrooms kicked in
I hummed the theme from jaws while she was taking the pregnancy test....needless to say she was not pleased
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