either fucking kiss her or kick her ass to the curb. Either way I can hear everything you are saying
you really should stop posting my phone number on craigslist as tranny seeking tranny, last night i answered at family dinner and almost choked on my hot dog
do you not see the irony in that??
I was found on the hood of someone elses car... Who would've thought there were 2 white nissans?
I got a handjob from a sober married woman in a parking lot in the middle of the day, yet you still cant manage to get laid by a drunk single slut at the bar at 1am. Wtf
Then I received a text in French, that roughly translated to "all you'll ever be good for is sex on the Internet"
she passed out facedown in my lap while I was playing piano. 11 years of piano lessons finally paid for themselves.
i just had to use the keg as a stool to reach the margarita maker. i'm such a problem solver.
Take advantage man but know that every anal bead u drop inside her will make her love u 2% more. It's science
We still need to grow old, buy a house, and drink 40's while wearing old people sunglasses, staring at the young studs mowing our lawn.
I apologized for the whole SWAT team incident to the roommate.
I need to stop getting in the car with my dad when im rolling balls. I think he's starting to notice my eyes aren't usually completely pupil
Found a piece of twizzler in my buttcrack.
I have to pee in a cup in the morning and they are going to say....you just peed a miller light. I'm going to hang my head in shame and say yes...yes I did.
Smoking weed with a blind guy, don't worry he's chill.
hey i'm sure you are probably asleep bc you suck and think sleep is necessary to live or something?
Randomize
