Awkward moment #23: reasuring mom that the bf and I aren't having sex as seamen is running down my leg...
I'm still not walking right. We need some boundaries for "drink-or-dare"...
Obviously you've never slept with someone who was deliverance level inbred.
Mass text to all of my back up boy toys. First one here wins. Mama needs some.
Life is too short to have fake orgasms.
Just saw a dude dressed as captain america driving down the highway. He saluted me.
I have lots of feelings today, but drunk is my favorite.
I woke up without my clothes on covered up with a towel on the floor because for some reason I took a bath in my clothes at 2am.
He told me he needed "space" but then goes and likes my insta of panacakes.. Done.
MY GOD DAMN TV STOPS WORKING EVERY TIME I AM THIS FUCKING HIGH. WHY MUST IT TORMENT ME?!
all of these bad things happened because I didn't bring a shower beer.
Is "You've never made me cum." an acceptable breakup line?
You would be successful and sober without me. you can't turn your bakon me now
a reward? ill think of something
if its not drugs or food I swear to god ill throw a fit
I'm covered in bruises and scratches. I dont know whether to call them battlescars or sex decals
Randomize
