youll never guess who i didnt fuck at that party
There is something about listening to Patsy Cline while pooping that makes the experience so much better.
Is it possible for Craig Seger to wear a normal suit and not look like an asshole on national tv?
She got a tattoo in memory of her cat, my attratcion to her is no more.
My #1 goal this summer is to get drunk at olive garden
Somebody started a fire in the kitchen. I puked on it till it went out. The firemen high fived me.
Dwarf fight at five guys. Today was a good day.
he definitely had sex before you were fully potty trained.
i looked at my phone and realized all i had said to her the entire night was misspelled variations of "NOTHING IS THE SAME" over and over. she eventually stopped replying.
Im deleting that text because its a possible ncaa violation
ive penciled you in for a day of excessive drinking
Batteries died. I don't care that you're studying for the bar. Come over. Bring the law books and study after. I'll even make coffee.
You're about wine.
Yes, I'm like 90% wine at the moment
i don't know how to react to you in a diaper crying and calling a football 'sadie'.
the party picked up after I got pretty drunk...I got kicked in the fucking head by a tiny lesbian...she was 5'1" I did not think she could do it...i was very wrong
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