Omg. There's def a kid, like 10 years old, sitting in a buggy at wal mart holding a sign that reads "I can't behave"
Eating hibachi. The chef is squirting sake into my mouth with a ketchup bottle. Happened twice, more to come.
girl in the front row yawned. double jointed jaw. i know where i'll be sitting next class
i looked up his schedule, waited outside his classroom, and handed him the receipt for plan b
Bad news. Pictures just stimulated my memory and i just realized the stripper I hooked up with this weekend tasted like pizza.
You do realize I got a panda tattooed on my ass just to get you laid, right?
Woke up Christmas Eve morning with my face smelling like ballsack.. No regrets.
therea a video of her dad walking in while i screamed "lets have a fashion show!" and fell off the table
They figured our he was high when he told the manager he wanted a break to go wrap his dick in toliet paper and pretend it was a ghost.
It's a delicate game of how much porn can I look at without the other interns noticing.
My new dealer was watching Space Jam and eating ham off a frisbee when I went over. He's my new favorite person
There is a midget driving a powered tricycle around town. I am not drunk, stoned, or lying.
It is clearly not my fault that you decided studying was more important than trying to bang our hot teacher for an A, so I seized the opportunity.
Anyways enough about genital fatigue...
Hey I need you to run the morning meeting, for reasons I can explain when I find out where I left my car
Randomize
