I cannot find my penis.
just found out my sister was breast fed and i was not...pretty upset about that.
its time to go be "that drunk guy nobody knows"....again.
when i'm not drinking i'm making facebook events about drinking
if she leaves who will i have to secretly talk about behind thier back
unrelatedly i think im gonna download boogie nights just to see mark wahlberg's penis
I dont think he stole the pillow. I mean if he wanted a souvenir, my thong was on the nightstand.
just woke up to find an unpeeled banana, with a condom on, halfway into my vagina. this better not be you trying to be funny
there's a barbecue in the shower. I'd like to know who got this to fit inside perfectly. impressive
you pulled down your pants to convince a girl you were god
He counted every piece of macaroni in the box and then faceplanted into the bowl
Don't matter if she's straight, I'll get her. I'm not called The Transformer for nothing
Btw, if I didn't have 3 limbs in restraints and my free hand offing myself with the pocket rocket, I would have snap chatted you. Next time.
They were assless. I wore assless football pants.
Executive decision.... we are cuddling naked
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