I told them you could toss a salad like wolfgang puck
He made me pinky-promise that he gave me an orgasm.
flash back: i gave smirnoff to a group of children at walmart
He's either a really good actor or an actual prince, I'm fine with both so I'll sleep with him.
According to the bell hop, we stumbled in about 4 and then cannon balled into the pool.
I just found a bag of teeth...
Last time I sleep with a guy with a penchant to fragrance his dick. Every time I sit to pee, I get a whiff of Axe body spray.
You are so lucky you didn't go back to Tate's house. They decided to figure out who had the biggest balls... I was the judge
ok I know you arent happy with the way we ended but paying someone to pass me an STD is TOTALLY FUCKED!!!
Yeah you were fine except for when you peed under the bar
My husband was abducted by a group of disco dancers in the parde and danced off down the street. If you see him, tell him to Hustle on home and clean the cat box. #MardiGras
HELL YEAH TIME TO KICK THE CHILDREN
my drug dealer is also my eyebrow lady. Two birds, one stone.
I have wine with a bendy straw bitches I can do fucking anything
One day I'm going to get tired of waking up and wondering where the glow sticks on the floor came from.
Randomize
