Do you think if I drink bleach they will let me leave work?
Holy shit! This guy had his hands and feet handcuffed and was scooting across the interstate and we almost hit him because it was so dark. I hate Louisiana.
I really think my calling is to star in a Live Links commercial
So my grandma sent me a doily for my birthday - don't ask why, I don't know. Anyways I put my bong on it, I think it actually classed up the joint.
Me and a lesbian played "may the best man win" over a bi chick tonight... I lost, still fun though
Wait til she sees the pic of her vag in court docs.
What color are my eyes?
Ummmm... 34 C?
Just bought a waterproof mattress cover. Bring it on sophomore year.
Call me when you get up. This hang-over is like dismantling a bomb: I need someone to talk me through it.
Plus, it's just valuable. Virgin pee is very well-priced.
Slept at my ex's best friends house while my ex was locked out and I walked by him sleeping in his car this am
I don't want to sleep with anyone. I just want a burrito
I don't think I've ever had this many people offer me blow before. 3 o'clock on a Thursday. I keep good company.
Don't worry. I have logic.... just not morals.
He smells like sex and magic. I’m already naming our children
Maybe you should talk to him first
Randomize
