You are still hot in my book. I wanna dry hump u like a 9th grader then hump for real when the herpes is gone.
I feel uncomfortable when she gargles my jizz.
Mom got me cough medicine that tastes like tequila . She said she took taste tests. Best mom ever.
theres 5 guys on the side of the road with beads and their shirts off screaming at cars already.
Dude just read our convo. Apparently I was talking to you while I was naked. She wasn't happy about it.
well as your friend its only fair to offer my cock for your services. Cause I care.
let's remember the whole point of NYE: to drink antisocial amounts of antisocial drinks, become incoherent, ruin a carpet, talk to a tree, wake up with head sellotaped to toilet. The where/how is superfluous, my vote goes to a cupboard and a bottle of jaeger Questions?
Crazy how fast a room full of drunk teenagers sober up when someone breaks his parents' new flat screen
Pretty sure I asked the person at the pharmacy counter in Walgreens to marry me last night. But also remember Rachel Maddow crawling through the TV screen, so my memory might be a bit compromised...
For only eating leftover pizza for breakfast today, you sure do have a lot to vomit up...
The ranger made you choose between a ticket and pouring all the beer out since it was a state park.
I've never seen you that close to tears as you poured out 30 beers.
Just remember, Dont make worse choices than american flag pants to your own birthday party
Apparently chalking everything I've done these past 48 hours to the fact that it was homecoming, is like a "get out of jail free" card.
she wants homewrecking advice
are you gonna teach her your ways?
obvs. i'm like her yoda.
Spencer just told me I got home and was opening beers with my teeth and trying to make pot butter
Randomize
