we all know badassery is carried on the XX chromosome
She kept screaming "best case scenario"
He apologized for his naked psychotic episode and then we had goodbye sex on his sailboat
Why is there a blood-covered "sorry about your stuff" note stapled to my door?
This is what happens when you live with someone you met on Grindr
Also. After puking outside of the bar last night, some guy (who saw me puking) said I looked like Jennifer Lawrence, called me J Law, got my number and is now texting me. Who knew puking and rallying would do me any good
Is it a coincidence that the reminder on my phone to take my birth control is "I'm ready to party" from Bridesmaids?
To the point, I hope I remember where to put my dick when I finally get laid again
You have a 50 50 chance
I snuck out of his room and his roommate stopped me to tell me there was a condom stuck to my back
HOW DO YOU FORGET TO FINISH WINE
I called you daddy and let you stick things in my butt, I am a damn 11.
And you know what the worst part is? Because of him I can now relate to a goddamn Taylor Swift song. FUCK. MY. LIFE.
I just told 2 of my vibrators "I love you." I seriously need some dick.
You invited these random guys into your apartment that you met in the hallway...& then you started screaming at them to get out cause you didn't know who they were.
You know shits really hit the fan when you start using public bathroom air freshener spray as perfume
what? where are you?
Randomize
