i was just skypeing her and i saw the vagisil medicated wipes in the corner of her room. i'll be breaking this off tomorrow
just left a line of flour and citric acid on the dresser for my roommate to find. teach that bastard to steal my coke!
You ordered 6 boxes of pizza and laughed in the pizza guys face when you didn't pay for any of them.
I don't know what it is about vodka that make me ruin relationships.
I have so many hands. So. Many. Hands. I can feel arms that I don't have yet. They tickle. I can see the blood in my eyes. I think something is happening. The hands!!! I'm ticking myself with hands I don't have yet! I can't stop giggling about my notyet hands!
I distinctly remember seeing your nipples from the deck.
A guy in the dance floor is raising the roof with an axe in hand. I love Halloween.
Don't talk to me about scholarly dedication until you've taken a final in boxers, a bloody tank top and a zip tie to hold your hair back. I wear the most sullied 4.0 crown of all time....
I WANT TO. I JUST IMAGINE HIS BEAUTIFUL BLONDE HEAD INBETWEEN MY LEGS AND I BREAK DOWN AND START CRYING.
I think the Predator is hunting me in my house. If I don't text you later, send Danny Glover. I love you all.
Seriously, she had fingers that made me thank a god I don't even believe in that I'm gay.
My dad made a joke about you sending me strippers for valentine's day so clearly everything here is normal
I just spent 3 hours in the back of an unmarked police cruiser. Best. Date. Ever.
Can we go out and get blitzed in celebration that they'll be no more surprise kids
Well I'm back. Could you fill me in on what I missed?
You don't want to know. Trust me.
Randomize
